Originaldo's Celebrity Swapshots™

The cuttings' edge stuff on this page is made possible by the International Hysterical Society and all Swapshots™ are guaranteed hysterically correct, and as satirical commentary violate no copyright restrictions.

Server's Disclaimer: Some of the more controversial or apparently critical swapshots are not necessarily the direct and sole work of Originaldo but are merely being displayed by his brave self as a public service. The brief captions with each image will eventually explain the source of said image. Unfortunately most of these captions are not yet posted, but will be very soon, so don't go getting mad at anyone yet!

COVER FOR UNPUBLISHED COFFEE TABLE BOOK

(probably available at your local shopping megacenter shortly after Pip and I are dust in the wind and the merchandisers can keep all the cash for themselves)

Jackie Gleason's "Real Easy Rider."

Ever wonder why the Honeymooner series ended? Sure you did. And now, you're about to find out why. Jackie "Ralph Kramden" Gleason could see that finally the ratings were going down and that even he was sick of being a bus driver. So Kramden and Norton decided to head out on the highway to make a pilot for a new scooterized Honeymooner series. But when Alice and Tricksey refused to join them the idea was abandoned and caused a cast conflict that could not be resolved.
Fed up with show biz for the time being, Gleason was a big buddy of Henry Fonda and told his son Peter who had already made up a pro bono poster for the abandoned project, "Sure kid, go ahead and make a movie out of it."
Peter smiled wide as Jackie said, "And away youuu goooo!" The rest is cinematic histrionics, and this thought-lost movie poster was discovered shortly after Gleason's death in Originaldo's junkyard above the headliner of a coversion Volkswagen Mini Bus driven into the ground by Dennis Hopper. Jane Fonda Tuner was working out in Baghdad in 2003 and unavailable for comment, except to say, "No doubt, brother Peter had help on putting this poster together by Art Corny."

"The Camelot Girls."

Marilyn Monroe and Jackie Kennedy trade places for a brief moment in ill-fated President Kennedy's highly touted "Camelot." It has recently been leaked by the Smithsonian janitorial staff that the original layout for this poster was discovered by the Secret Service in the lavatory aboard Air Force One shortly after LBJ moved into the Oval Office with his favorite robotic jackass saddle.

"Fantasy Island: Final Justice."

Well folks, here's a never before seen poster promo for the final, unreleased episode of the islandmark series. Rourke insists that Tatoo retouched the photo, but the cast says that this is the way it really was on the set that fateful day in paradise on "Reality Island." This last remaining print is said to have been discovered floating on the oil-slicked water above the Battleship Arizona at Pearl Harbor.

"With Goodness We Grow."

Sure, most of us liberty lovers know that the French sculptor of our favorite statue used his mother for a model, but it is little known that Frenchie's mom wasn't completely happy with Emma Lazarus's inspirational "give me your huddled masses" poem engraved on the pedestal, only because it mentioned nothing of the goodness needed to earn and preserve liberty and for our spirit to grow. So many years after Lady Liberty was installed on Ellis Island, Mrs. Frenchie's grand daughter painted this beautiful picture to try and convince New York shakers and movers to add a stainless steel sash engraved with the words "With Goodness We Grow." Needless to say, no interest was shown in the idea because there weren't any Wall Streeters who could figure out a way to make money off the idea. But now, a few years after the World Trade Center destruction, many of the families and friends of those killed in acts of terrorism everywhere in our country are trying to get together, lobby Congress for permission, and fund Mrs. Frenchie's idea out of their own pockets. Needless to say, when Originaldo was asked if he thought it was a good idea, he replied eloquently, "Sounds good to me."

"The Warriors."

Creative tough guy Woody Allen struts his semetic stuff as the leader of The Warriors gang from Coney Island in this avante garde poster salvaged from between the bedsprings of a Queen-Annie bed auctioned at Christies on behalf of Mia Farrow.

"Little Ole Winemaker Me."

Dean Martin offers us his favorite remedy for lousy nerves on this limited edition book jacket discovered rolled around a bottle of Mogan David's 20 proof Mad Dog Wine laying outside the Hollywood offices of Alcoholics Anonymous. Jerry Lewis's one-time straightman claims that deist Ben Franklin once said seriously, "I know there is a God and that He loves us humans because He created beer."

"Yoko? Oh no!"

We've all listened in awe to Elton John's heavenly "Like a Candle in the Wind," supposedly written about Marilyn Monroe. But just recently, not long after Princess Diana's untimely demise, Pal McCartney, an opportunist friend of Paul McCartney who changed his last name from McCarthy to McCartney when Paul got famous, is said to have released the true story behind the song to Liverpool's BVD Broadcast System. According to what Pal reported to he BVD-BS, Elton's father, Elder John was actually dating Marilyn at the time of her very suspicious demise, and penned the classic tune on a napkin at one of the first Denny's in the country, just down the road from Marilyn's place, while federal investigators were tidying up her bedroom. The one-of-a-kind poster you see here was actually put together by Elder (from a painting by Originaldo) several months before Marilyn's death, to try and persuade her to make a movie he had in mind. So, yes, "Like a Candle in the Wind," was originally envisioned as the title for a movie not a song. As for the artsey-fartsey poster, Elder gave the only copy of it to Pal in the late 60's and when Pal showed it to Paul , Paul desperately wanted Abbey Road to make the movie using a Marilyn look-alike. Yoko wanted the part, but she went ballistic when Paul, George and Ringo all said they said she didn't exactly look like Marilyn....as a result the Beatles split up and the rest is history. Both Elder John and Pal McCartney, once said in unison on a conference call to Originaldo about the whole affair, "The truth sometimes sure is stranger than fiction." Elton and Paul have both remained silent, except to say, "Why in God's name would anyone in his right mind make up such a bizarre story or paint such a beautiful picture of Marilyn just to back it up?" As a final note, very recently Paul McCartney telied Originaldo to ask him what he thought in distant retrospect. "Maybe I was wrong years ago, Originaldo, and needlessly caused the Beatles to break up. Maybe with enough make-up John's wife could have possibly played Marilyn." Originaldo gasped, "Yoko? Oh no!"


"Yahn Pupe's Howdy Doody"	"Pupe Strikes Again: The Hillary and Bill Show"	"Martin Luther King: Peaceful Gladiator"	"Fill 'er Up; Uncle Saddam Goes To Washington"
Yes, all us baby boomers remember Claribell and the Peanut Gallery, but how many of us know the legend of Originaldo's Uncle Yahn, the Arkansas cabinet maker that crafted the puppet Howdy Dowdy? We all liked Howdy, but only Yahn Pupe's immediate family knew how special he really was, that he had been carved by Yahn from a 400 year old Jerusalem Olive Tree that had been struck down by lightning. Yahn and his family enjoyed the success of the Howdy Doody Show more than most. But years later, when Yahn was much wiser he realized what humankind had done to the Earth and everything on it. So he modified this old TV Guide to show how Buffalo Bob and the rest of us were really the puppets of the natural world we live in. It is interesting to note that Yahn's cabinet shop was located in a town called Hope.	Yep, you guessed it, my fellow history puffs, Yahn Pupe and Bill Clinton both reign from Hope, Arkansas. And it was the local Pupe Museum that Senator Ted Kennedy visited while cruising through backwoods Arkansas, trying to explore the roots of the Clinton-Rodham dynasty for an upcoming New York Times bestseller. Teddy interviewed Pupe's grand daughter Betsey Pumice, co-director of the Pupe Museum. In the backseat of his Martha's Vineyard limo, Ms. Pumice casually showed "Teddy Bear" the Howdy Doody switcheroo picture you've already seen. The rest is history. While making routine repairs, a Senatorial chairperson discovered the "Hillary and Bill" TV Guide shown here plastered to the underside of Ted kennedy's overstuffed and badly abused chair. History may little note nor long remember that the chairperson doing the repairs was named Charley House, Originaldo's step-brother and governmental savant.	Bill Cosby visited King's assassin in prison shortly before Ray's painful death. The two men just stared at each other, speechless for more than half an hour. Cosby then handed him a purple Bible and left. After James Earl Ray's death, a nurse discovered the purple Bible under the sweat-stained blankets. A lobby poster of King as a peaceful gladiator was neatly folded and paperclipped to the last page of Exodus. And it is now known that the black Moses and Jesus and MLK's majestic face were all painted by Originaldo himself...while working one long hot summer at a used bookstore in St. Louis misery.	Destiny rides again as oppressive hot shot Hussein lives out his days exiled in Washington D.C., servicing the presidential limo. Copies of this bawdy but poignant leaflet were dropped by the millions on Baghdad shortly before American Marines liberated the Iraqi capital's civilians. Many naysayers in the American press claim it is only a Saddam look-alike, but Originaldo's Marine Drill Instructor and CIA operative, old Bull Sayer, claims "he's the real DNA thing."

Click on Picture of Choice to Enlarge,

"Al Gore's Count of Monte Christo"

Hey, wouldn't you be a little peeved if you'd won the popular vote for the most pestigous office in the world but the Electrical College said nay because of some brown-outs in West Palm Beach? Yeah, well Al played it as cool as a cucumber, but hot-to-trot Tipper put together this movie idea to motivate her hubby to never give up the ship. After a few kisses from Tipper, Alberto began to like the idea, so he grew a beard. But it didn't last long. Off came the beard and back to being a cucumber...even premature withdrawal from any future oval office competition. So now all we got left is Josiah Lieberman. And, of course, we also have left this historic poster to remind us that Originaldo's old cellmate Sly, now a baggage handler at Idlewild, has his keen eye peeled for cutting edge stuff we need to know about. He found this poster hidden in the false bottom of Tipper's makeup case. Thanks Sly! And get back in the race Alberto! Or you gonna waste the rest of your life writing books like
"The Power of Body Language?"

"Mickey Rooney's Braveheart"

The plague of super stardom, manic depression, finally hit Mel Gibson so he turned to deep analysis, on the fluffy couch of the genuis Dr. Richard von Kratsky, a colleague of Originaldo's. Kratsky discovered that Mel's psychosis stemmed from his subconscious guilt connected with the production and proliferation of gratuitous violence in movies like Lethal Weapon. So Mel reverted to his boyhood name, Melvin, and went about trying to figure out how to rectify his sins. Even Brave Heart, the movie he was most proud of, concentrated a bit too much on the violent side of history. So he decided to remake it to atone for his sins. Analysis had also revealed that all of Melvin's charisma and boyish glow had come from his passion for watching Andy Hardy movies as a lad down under. So he recruited the now elderly, but nevertheless still hardworking, Mr. Mickey Rooney to star in this sequel of sequels. At this very moment Mickey and Melvin are finetuning the script based on this poster Dr Kratsky put together during Melvin's lucid dream analysis sessions. Von Kratsky assures us this one movie will cleanse the violent spirit of our young forever...but Kratsky's been wrong before.

"Ralph Nader is The Natural; Zen and the Art of Potato Pitching"

Yup, you'd think Robert Redford might choke on his Bull Durham if he saw this poster, but in fact, the swave and deboner Mr. Redford hisself commissioned one of Originaldo's students to render the image. At the height of his commercial success, Bob Red (as his friends call him) decided he wanted to do something for the betterment of the globe and everything on it rather than just for the benefit of the box office. So he decided to recruit naturalist Ralph Nader to be the director of a new independant film festival he had in mind. Nader liked the idea of using potatoes instead of rawhide baseballs, until rehearsals began. Potatoes were great to throw but squashed when hit. So Bob Red's bodyguard suggested they dry the spuds in the sun first...and thus was borne
The Sundried Film Festival.

"OS: The Oliver Stone Conspiracy"

According to Originaldo's sister and other top photo-forensic experts around the world, this is an original unretouched photo taken sometime in the early 60's. A very matronly Marina Oswald just recently went public with the picture, using it as the poster for a movie she is hoping to someday produce. Her tentative screenplay claims it shows a very youthful Oliver Stone visiting Lee and herself in their very own backyard, pretending to recruit them for $5 as extras for a low budget hunting film he was working on at college. Little did she or her patsey husband know how many millions Oliver Stone would make years later when he produced JFK, based on an assassination Stone himself had prior knowledge of but took no steps to prevent. In her watershed story, Marina reveals who actually reworked this photo to make her husband appear the guilty man. But she only speculates on whether Stone actually had a hand in the assassination just so he could make a movie about it.


"Fidel Castro and JFK's Hunt For Red October"	"Louis Farrakhan's Passover Interview"	"Colin Powell's Terminator One"	"Jim Nabors' The Wild One"

"Don Knotts' Saturday Night Fever; The Japs Are Comin'"

You guessed it, fight fans. Don Knotts' real name is Bart Lancaster, nicknamed Barney and also the younger brother of Burt Lancaster, star of the Pearl Harbor epic, "From Here to Eternity." But the entire idea for the movie was Barney's and he titled it, as you can see in this poster put together by Originaldo's father, "Saturday Night Fever." It was to be an account of how Battleship Row's radar man at Pearl Harbor was up all night dancing in an outdoor Maui marathon, the Saturday night before the Day of Infamy, trying feverishly to win the grand prize, a free weekend in Tokyo. That's Tokyo Rose he's unknowingly dancing with. And, believe it or not, Barney actually made the movie in 1952. But before it was released, Barney's older brother Burt completed his role in "From Here To Eternity." When General Douglas MacArthur heard about two movies stirring up memories of Pearl Harbor in the same year while he was still trying to smooth things over in Japan and march into North Korea, he pressured MGM to wait at least 25 years before releasing Barney's Technicolor movie. MacArthur liked the black and white of "From here to Eternity." So "Saturday Night Fever" was to sit on the shelf for 25 years, and Douglas MacArthur was to be fired by Truman because Harry had previewed Barney's movie and loved it, thus proving to him that MacArthurs judgement was flawed. Barney was angry, his lower guts tied up in knots that his own brother Burt had stolen the spotlight so he changed his name to Don Knotts. Bart did however insist on using his real nickname Barney on the Andy Griffin Show. And by the time Saturday Night fever was discovered on the shelf in 1975, the Investorial Japanese had already taken a foothold in Hollywood and decided to change the venue of the movie to New York instead of Pearl Harbor, and cast John Travolta as the leading man. The bottomline?? All that disco garb of the 70's, bell bottoms and flowery shirts actually came from an historic Hawaiian Dance Marathon movie made in the 50's, thanks to the one and only Don "Bart Lancaster" Knotts. From Here to Eternity? How about From Pearl Harbor to Pleasantville, or Maui to Mayberry? And who would have ever thought that what we thought was a classic Disco Travolta pose was actually Don Knotts yellin' out to his buddies, "The Japs are comin'!!"

"Geraldo Rivera's Lost Statues"

Thats Jerry Rivers (aka The Rivers, aka Geraldo Rivera) beaming beside his latest mind-boggling find. Geraldo is already in the Quiness Book of Records for having uncovered more mysteries than any other celebrity in history...and certainly now he'll also be in it for making the greatest artistic discovery in history. In his spare time, Geraldo is an art collector of notorious proportion. If he's looking for something, he finds it. Geraldo was at the Vatican looking for religious ephemera when he ran across Proctor Richard Krause, standing there in a trance staring at Michelangelo's David. Geraldo couldn't help but hear the good Proctor mumble, "But it's only half here." Geraldo asked him what he meant...and the rest will be history. Pr. Krause took Geraldo to a long abandoned renaissance wine cellar where they excavated the statue of David and his mate that you see here for the first time in 500 years. Under self-hypnosis, the good Proctor claimed Pope Sixus thought the Consummation statue too suggestive and prevented Michelangelo from displaying it publicly. Geraldo knew a bit of Michelangelo's beard hair was discovered recently embedded in the plaster of the Sistine Chapel...and now he noticed three drops of 500 year old blood on the right male foot of the "Consummation" statue. Geralod had a DNA match test made. You'll never guess in a million years what the DNA test performed by Originaldo and Geraldo revealed...

"Uncle Alberto: An Appall Production by Alfred Einstein Newman"

Yes, you guessed it, that's an aborted movie poster for the true story of Alberto Einstein, Albert Einstein's illegitimate Italian brother. Long before the atom bomb, Alberto changed his last name to Newman, so as not to walk in his controversial brother's shadow.
After blowing the whistle on Mussolini, Alberto emigrated to America and had an artsy firstborn he named Alfred "E for Einstein" Newman. Young Alfred E. wrote a screenplay about his father Alberto's estranged relationship with Albert but never got it published. Why? You guessed it. The Beatles eventual manager saw Alfred's promo poster, changed Uncle Alberto to Uncle Albert and Appall to Apple.
Brian Epstein died the day after his deal with Newman and his check bounced after naive Alfred had already signed the rights over, So the Beatles made millions singing silly love songs and Alfred E. Newman found a unigue job in the comic book industry..and the rest is Mad history with a message of quasi-genuis.


"Larry King's Hebrew American Hour"	"Oral Robert's Oral Robbers' Hour"	"Ronald Reagan is Lord of the Rings"	"Pope John Paul II is The Godfodder"


"Richard Nixon's Scarface"	"Bruce Springsteen's Missile Reduction Treaty"	"Gerald Ford's Trash Bag Debate"


"Rush Limbaugh's Time to Remember"	"Bob and Elizabeth: A Dole Romance"	"Lyndon Johnson's Platoon"	"Boris Yeltsen, Mig Pilot"


"Jack Kevorkian's Good, Bad, and Ugly"	"John Ashcroft Closing In On Terrorism"	"Bob Dylan's Good Lady Down"	"Elvis Presley and Nat King Cole: A Tale of Two Kings"


"Carroll O'Connor and James Dean's Family Secrets"	"Robin the Leach's New Lifestyles of the Rich and Infamous"	"Bob Dylan and Squint Eastwood's High Plains Drifters"


"Janis Joplin's Sound of Music Vanity Promo"	"Ed Sullivan's Gone with the Wind"	"Top Gun Bill Gates"	"Albert Einstein's Rocky Squared"

"Milton Berle's A-Team"

"Finally, All in the Family"

"Mick Jagger's Triumph of Integrity"

Rolling Stone Mick Jagger talks about his Triumph of Integrity in this never published book ghost written by Jagger's ex-wife and super model Jerry Hall's latest beau.

"Rodney Dangerfield, Kate Winslet, Titanic Screentest"


"Hussein, Arafat, Bin Laden are Desert Scum, Garbage in the Sand"	"Groucho Marx in Paris"	"Last Days of Khadafy"	"Jimmy Carter's North Korean Breakthrough: No MSG!!"


"Buzz Aldrich: Burgers on the Moon"	"George F. Will was Blueboy"	"Andy 'Hardy' Rooney was Napoleon"	"Don Rickles is Mad Max"


"Sam Donaldson's Kelly's Heroes"	"Roy Orbison Gets Pretty Woman"	"Sid Caesar was Titus"	"Donald Trump's Deal is Consummated"


"Ali-The Movement (the bullshit continues)"	"Ted Koppel and Charlie Rose's Nightwatch"	"Michael Jackson's Meet Me In St. Louis"


"Hugh Hefner's Playboy Mansion 2025"	"John Kennedy: Advisor and Bodyguard"	"Released Prematurely: Howard Stern and Andrew Dice Clay"	"Charlatan Heston's Big Gun Commandment"


"Mike Tyson's Battle for the Planet of the Apes"	"Billy Graham's Billy's Angels"	"Pat Buchanan's Lincoln Self Image"	"Neil Diamond as Squint Eastwood's Dirty Diamond"

then click your browser "back button" to return to this gallery.

"George and Laura Bush's Peace In Our Time"

George and Laura Bush don Arab and Israeli garb to demonstrate to the world press their willingness tp go to any end to bring peace and love to the troubled middle east.

"George W. Bush is The Graduate"

"Bin Laden's Summary Justice"


"Dick Cheney's Harry Potter"	"Jerry Mathers as The Original Fugitive"	"Oprah Winfrey's Yolo Zen"	"Star Truk: Final Delivery"


"Jane Fonda's Steroid Earring Workout"	"Tony Curtis was Wonder Woman"	"Chelsea Clinton in National Velveeta"	"Jay Leno and David Letterman, Our Great Thinkers"


"Johnny Kerry as Austin 'Gringo' Powers"	"Jimmy Carter's Rat Pack"	"Jessie Jackson's Million Dollar Bar Mitzvah"	"Betty Grable at Pearl Harbor"

To Be Posted Very Soon (along with many more):

Elizabeth Taylor Van Gogh's "Sphynx: Quest at Giza"

"Davidic Elvis: The Tut"

Arayana Hitler's "Toys of Supremacy"

Poe's "The Raven Within"

"Swapshot" is a registered trademark of Richard Krause's Clearview Creations Ink

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"George Bush's Heads of State"	"Mahatma Ghandi's Fight Club"	"Bill Clinton's Matrix"	"Bing Crosby in Bing Goes Bang Bang"
This totally authorized poster was put together by Originaldo's son Waldo who has served very discretely for some years as the Bush dynasty's key private advisor. The awesomely shocking image is a slightly retouched photo taken aboard Air Force One showing the heads of state that will birng liberation to Iraq. A bust of a smiling George washington was sculpted by Waldo especially for the photo op. One of Barbara Bush's literacy students designed the "No-Nukes" logo. The glowing image of Lady Liberty outside the Oval Window was rendered by Kate Smith's niece.	Neo-Fascist Fundamentalist Re-Colonists in Liverpool just recently put together this "Fight Club" poster to try and show that Ghandi's peace antics were phoney and that he was really a closet street brawler. Strangely enough, Mahatma's followers have themselves embraced the image, after changing the title to "Blight Club," to show that peaceful resistance is often more of a painful struggle than violent aggression, or so they told Originaldo's favorite cub reporter Jiminy Olson.	This "MyTricks" poster was put together by Brutus Carville's p.r. staff to try and convince Clinton to run for a third term despite the Moniker Lewdinsky indescretion. Carville hoped to lobby Congress to amend the constitution to allow more than two terms by allowing each Congressperson to screen test with Miss Lewdinsky multiple times. But according to Hillary Rodham's pedicurist (Originaldo's Little Rock Cousin) the First Lady persuaded Carville to delay the plan until 2008 when she wins what misoynist shock jocks will certainly dub The Ovary Office.	This totally unauthorized poster was put together by Ursula Andress's butler who happened to be Originaldo's illegitimate Uncle Raz. Ursula had a passionate crush on Bing Crosby and tried to persuad Ian Fleming to use his clout and replace Sean Connery with Bing. Ursula is said to never have made love without one of Bing's records spinning next to her. Needless to say, Sean deservedly remained the one and only 007 but he did agree to have White Christmas played every time he and Ursula embraced, both off and on screen. .


"Joe Lieberman's Campaign Headquarters"	"Jerry Seinfeld's Hairdresser Diet"	"Ross Perot's Parrot Patriots"