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Welcome to Originaldo's Celebrity Swapshots™

The cuttings' edge stuff on this page is made possible by the International Hysterical Society and all Swapshots™ are guaranteed hysterically correct, and as satirical commentary violate no copyright restrictions.

Server's Disclaimer: Some of the more controversial or apparently critical swapshots are not necessarily the direct and sole work of Originaldo but are merely being displayed by his brave self as a public service. The brief stories with each image will eventually explain the source of said image. Unfortunately th majority of these intense stories are not yet posted, but will be very soon. So don't go getting mad at anyone yet!


To see all full size swapshots on one page, along with their stories, click here.

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 "Jackie Gleason's Real Easy Rider"

    Ever wonder why the Honeymooner series ended? Sure you did. And now, you're about to find out why. Jackie "Ralph Kramden" Gleason could see that finally the ratings were going down and that even he was sick of being a bus driver. So Kramden and Norton decided to head out on the highway to make a pilot for a new scooterized Honeymooner series. But when Alice and Tricksey refused to join them the idea was abandoned and caused a cast conflict that could not be resolved.
Fed up with show biz for the time being, Gleason was a big buddy of Henry Fonda and told his son Peter who had already made up a pro bono poster for the abandoned project, "Sure kid, go ahead and make a movie out of it."
    Peter smiled wide as Jackie said, "And away youuu goooo!" The rest is cinematic histrionics, and this thought-lost movie poster was discovered shortly after Gleason's death in Originaldo's junkyard above the headliner of a coversion Volkswagen Mini Bus driven into the ground by Dennis Hopper. Jane Fonda Tuner was working out in Baghdad in 2003 and unavailable for comment, except to say, "No doubt, brother Peter had help on putting this poster together by Art Corny."


 "Marilyn and Jackie: Camlot Girls"

    Marilyn Monroe and Jackie Kennedy trade places for a brief moment in ill-fated President Kennedy's highly touted "Camelot." It has recently been leaked by the Smithsonian janitorial staff that the original layout for this poster was discovered by the Secret Service in the lavatory aboard Air Force One shortly after LBJ moved into the Oval Office with his favorite robotic jackass saddle.


 "With Goodness We Grow"

    Sure, most of us liberty lovers know that the French sculptor of our favorite statue used his mother for a model, but it is little known that Frenchie's mom wasn't completely happy with Emma Lazarus's inspirational "give me your huddled masses" poem engraved on the pedestal, only because it mentioned nothing of the goodness needed to earn and preserve liberty and for our spirit to grow. So many years after Lady Liberty was installed on Ellis Island, Mrs. Frenchie's grand daughter painted this beautiful picture to try and convince New York shakers and movers to add a stainless steel sash engraved with the words "With Goodness We Grow." Needless to say, no interest was shown in the idea because there weren't any Wall Streeters who could figure out a way to make money off the idea. But now, a few years after the World Trade Center destruction, many of the families and friends of those killed in acts of terrorism everywhere in our country are trying to get together, lobby Congress for permission, and fund Mrs. Frenchie's idea out of their own pockets. When Originaldo was asked what he thought Lady Liberty might say about the idea he replied sort of poetically~"Young or old, moneyed or wanting, lame or fortunate, leave your diversions of comfort, greed and reverie. Flood my torch with only your goodness, and then together our spirits will grow forever."


  "Woody Allen's The Worriers"

    Creative tough guy Woody Allen struts his semetic stuff as the leader of The Warriors gang from Coney Island in this avante garde poster salvaged from between the bedsprings of a Queen-Annie bed auctioned at Christies on behalf of Mia Farrow.

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 "Dean Martin's Little Ole Winemaker Me"

    Dean Martin offers us his favorite remedy for lousy nerves on this limited edition book jacket discovered rolled around a bottle of Mogan David's 20 proof Mad Dog Wine laying outside the Hollywood offices of Alcoholics Anonymous. Jerry Lewis's one-time straightman claims that deist Ben Franklin once said seriously, "I know there is a God and that He loves us humans because He created beer."


 "Fantasy Island: Final Justice"

    Well folks, here's a never before seen poster promo for the final, unreleased episode of the islandmark series. Rourke insists that Tatoo retouched the photo, but the cast says that this is the way it really was on the set that fateful day in paradise on "Reality Island." This last remaining print is said to have been discovered floating on the oil-slicked water above the Battleship Arizona at Pearl Harbor.


"Marilyn Monroe's Yoko? Oh no!"

    We've all listened in awe to Elton John's heavenly "Like a Candle in the Wind," supposedly written about Marilyn Monroe. But just recently, not long after Princess Diana's untimely demise, Pal McCartney, an opportunist friend of Paul McCartney who changed his last name from McCarthy to McCartney when Paul got famous, is said to have released the true story behind the song to Liverpool's BVD Broadcast System. According to what Pal reported to he BVD-BS, Elton's father, Elder John was actually dating Marilyn at the time of her very suspicious demise, and penned the classic tune on a napkin at one of the first Denny's in the country, just down the road from Marilyn's place, while federal investigators were tidying up her bedroom. The one-of-a-kind poster you see here was actually put together by Elder (from a painting by Originaldo) several months before Marilyn's death, to try and persuade her to make a movie he had in mind. So, yes, "Like a Candle in the Wind," was originally envisioned as the title for a movie not a song. As for the artsey-fartsey poster, Elder gave the only copy of it to Pal in the late 60's and when Pal showed it to Paul , Paul desperately wanted Abbey Road to make the movie using a Marilyn look-alike. Yoko wanted the part, but she went ballistic when Paul, George and Ringo all said they said she didn't exactly look like a result the Beatles split up and the rest is history. Both Elder John and Pal McCartney, once said in unison on a conference call to Originaldo about the whole affair, "The truth sometimes sure is stranger than fiction." Elton and Paul have both remained silent, except to say, "Why in God's name would anyone in his right mind make up such a bizarre story or paint such a beautiful picture of Marilyn just to back it up?" As a final note, very recently Paul McCartney telied Originaldo to ask him what he thought in distant retrospect. "Maybe I was wrong years ago, Originaldo, and needlessly caused the Beatles to break up. Maybe with enough make-up John's wife could have possibly played Marilyn." Originaldo gasped, "Yoko? Oh no!


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"Yahn Pupe's Howdy Doody" 

    Yes, all us baby boomers remember Claribell and the Peanut Gallery, but how many of us know the legend of Originaldo's Uncle Yahn, the Arkansas cabinet maker that crafted the puppet Howdy Dowdy? We all liked Howdy, but only Yahn Pupe's immediate family knew how special he really was, that he had been carved by Yahn from a 400 year old Jerusalem Olive Tree that had been struck down by lightning. Yahn and his family enjoyed the success of the Howdy Doody Show more than most. But years later, when Yahn was much wiser he realized what humankind had done to the Earth and everything on it. So he modified this old TV Guide to show how Buffalo Bob and the rest of us were really the puppets of the natural world we live in. It is interesting to note that Yahn's cabinet shop was located in a town called Hope.


 "Pupe Strikes Again: The Hillary and Bill Show"

    Yep, you guessed it, my fellow history puffs, Yahn Pupe and Bill Clinton both reign from Hope, Arkansas. And it was the local Pupe Museum that Senator Ted Kennedy visited while cruising through backwoods Arkansas, trying to explore the roots of the Clinton-Rodham dynasty for an upcoming New York Times bestseller. Teddy interviewed Pupe's grand daughter Betsey Pumice, co-director of the Pupe Museum. In the backseat of his Martha's Vineyard limo, Ms. Pumice casually showed "Teddy Bear" the Howdy Doody switcheroo picture you've already seen. The rest is history. While making routine repairs, a Senatorial chairperson discovered the "Hillary and Bill" TV Guide shown here plastered to the underside of Ted kennedy's overstuffed and badly abused chair. History may little note nor long remember that the chairperson doing the repairs was named Charley House, Originaldo's step-brother and governmental savant.


"Martin Luther King: Peaceful Gladiator" 

    Bill Cosby visited King's assassin in prison shortly before Ray's painful death. The two men just stared at each other, speechless for more than half an hour. Cosby then handed him a purple Bible and left. After James Earl Ray's death, a nurse discovered the purple Bible under the sweat-stained blankets. A lobby poster of King as a peaceful gladiator was neatly folded and paperclipped to the last page of Exodus. And it is now known that the black Moses and Jesus and MLK's majestic face were all painted by Originaldo himself...while working one long hot summer at a used bookstore in St. Louis misery.


   "Fill 'er Up; Uncle Saddam Goes To Washington"

    Destiny rides again as oppressive hot shot Hussein lives out his days exiled in Washington D.C., servicing the presidential limo. Copies of this bawdy but poignant leaflet were dropped by the millions on Baghdad shortly before American Marines liberated the Iraqi capital's civilians. Many naysayers in the American press claim it is only a Saddam look-alike, but Originaldo's Marine Drill Instructor and CIA operative, old Bull Sayer, claims "he's the real DNA thing."


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 "George Bush's Heads of State"

    This totally authorized poster was put together by Originaldo's son Waldo who has served very discretely for some years as the Bush dynasty's key private advisor. The awesomely shocking image is a slightly retouched photo taken aboard Air Force One showing the heads of state that will birng liberation to Iraq. A bust of a smiling George washington was sculpted by Waldo especially for the photo op. One of Barbara Bush's literacy students designed the "No-Nukes" logo. The glowing image of Lady Liberty outside the Oval Window was rendered by Kate Smith's niece.


"Mahatma Ghandi's Fight Club"

    Neo-Fascist Fundamentalist Re-Colonists in Liverpool just recently put together this "Fight Club" poster to try and show that Ghandi's peace antics were phoney and that he was really a closet street brawler. Strangely enough, Mahatma's followers have themselves embraced the image, after changing the title to "Blight Club," to show that peaceful resistance is often more of a painful struggle than violent aggression, or so they told Originaldo's favorite cub reporter Jiminy Olson.


"Bill Clinton's MyTricks Matrix" 

    This "MyTricks" poster was put together by Brutus Carville's p.r. staff to try and convince Clinton to run for a third term despite the Moniker Lewdinsky indescretion. Carville hoped to lobby Congress to amend the constitution to allow more than two terms by allowing each Congressperson to screen test with Miss Lewdinsky multiple times. But according to Hillary Rodham's pedicurist (Originaldo's Little Rock Cousin) the First Lady persuaded Carville to delay the plan until 2008 when she wins what misoynist shock jocks will certainly dub The Ovary Office.


  "Bing Crosby in Bing Goes Bang Bang"

    This totally unauthorized poster was put together by Ursula Andress's butler who happened to be Originaldo's illegitimate Uncle Raz. Ursula had a passionate crush on Bing Crosby and tried to persuad Ian Fleming to use his clout and replace Sean Connery with Bing. Ursula is said to never have made love without one of Bing's records spinning next to her. Needless to say, Sean deservedly remained the one and only 007 but he did agree to have White Christmas played every time he and Ursula embraced, both off and on screen. .


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 "Al Gore's Lost Count of Monte Cristo"

    Hey, wouldn't you be a little peeved if you'd won the popular vote for the most pestigous office in the world but the Electrical College said nay because of some brown-outs in West Palm Beach? Yeah, well Al played it as cool as a cucumber, but hot-to-trot Tipper put together this movie idea to motivate her hubby to never give up the ship. After a few kisses from Tipper, Alberto began to like the idea, so he grew a beard. But it didn't last long. Off came the beard and back to being a cucumber...even premature withdrawal from any future oval office competition. So now all we got left is Josiah Lieberman. And, of course, we also have left this historic poster to remind us that Originaldo's old cellmate Sly, now a baggage handler at Idlewild, has his keen eye peeled for cutting edge stuff we need to know about. He found this poster hidden in the false bottom of Tipper's makeup case. Thanks Sly! And get back in the race Alberto! Or you gonna waste the rest of your life writing books like
"The Power of Body Language?"


"Mickey Rooney is the True Braveheart"

    The plague of super stardom, manic depression, finally hit Mel Gibson so he turned to deep analysis, on the fluffy couch of the genuis Dr. Richard von Kratsky, a colleague of Originaldo's. Kratsky discovered that Mel's psychosis stemmed from his subconscious guilt connected with the production and proliferation of gratuitous violence in movies like Lethal Weapon. So Mel reverted to his boyhood name, Melvin, and went about trying to figure out how to rectify his sins. Even Brave Heart, the movie he was most proud of, concentrated a bit too much on the violent side of history. So he decided to remake it to atone for his sins. Analysis had also revealed that all of Melvin's charisma and boyish glow had come from his passion for watching Andy Hardy movies as a lad down under. So he recruited the now elderly, but nevertheless still hardworking, Mr. Mickey Rooney to star in this sequel of sequels. At this very moment Mickey and Melvin are finetuning the script based on this poster Dr Kratsky put together during Melvin's lucid dream analysis sessions. Von Kratsky assures us this one movie will cleanse the violent spirit of our young forever...but Kratsky's been wrong before.


"Ralph Nader is The Natural; Zen and the Art of Potato Pitching"

    Yup, you'd think Robert Redford might choke on his Bull Durham if he saw this poster, but in fact, the swave and deboner Mr. Redford hisself commissioned one of Originaldo's students to render the image. At the height of his commercial success, Bob Red (as his friends call him) decided he wanted to do something for the betterment of the globe and everything on it rather than just for the benefit of the box office. So he decided to recruit naturalist Ralph Nader to be the director of a new independant film festival he had in mind. Nader liked the idea of using potatoes instead of rawhide baseballs, until rehearsals began. Potatoes were great to throw but squashed when hit. So Bob Red's bodyguard suggested they dry the spuds in the sun first...and thus was borne
The Sundried Film Festival.


  "OS: The Oliver Stone Conspiracy"

    According to Originaldo's sister and other top photo-forensic experts around the world, this is an original unretouched photo taken sometime in the early 60's. A very matronly Marina Oswald just recently went public with the picture, using it as the poster for a movie she is hoping to someday produce. Her tentative screenplay claims it shows a very youthful Oliver Stone visiting Lee and herself in their very own backyard, pretending to recruit them for $5 as extras for a low budget hunting film he was working on at college. Little did she or her patsey husband know how many millions Oliver Stone would make years later when he produced JFK, based on an assassination Stone himself had prior knowledge of but took no steps to prevent. In her watershed story, Marina reveals who actually reworked this photo to make her husband appear the guilty man. But she only speculates on whether Stone actually had a hand in the assassination just so he could make a movie about it.

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"Kookie Robert's Flushdance" 

    Okay, dance fans, we've all seen tour de farce Flashdance, starring Jennifer Beals. But ever wonder what happened to young Jennifer after the box office smash? Well the photo shown here explains it all. No, it's not a poster; its a photo showing Journalism student Jennifer Beals standing in front of a bawdy poster, reviewing Kookie Roberts performance in Flushdance, a video production of Vassar University School of Mad Arts. A Paramount talent scout saw Jennifer's preview on campus cable and decided immediately that Beals' pouting mouth was the one that needed to play in the big screen version. "Flushdance" was changed to "Flashdance" to make it seem more family friendly and the rest, as we've said many times before, is history. Paramount, an equal opportunity provider, offered Kookie a spot on David Brinkley's Sunday Morning Show, provided she changed her name from Kookie to Cokie, and everybody was happy...except for the audiences who loved Jennifer in Flashdance. She decided to pass up all the big Hollywood sequel bucks and go back to journalism school. The silly, idealistic girl. The Flushdance poster hangs beside Cokie's dressing room mirror to help her get pumped up for Sunday Morning interviews with guys like Hairy Kissinger or even Originaldo hisself. Ain't fate funny, friends? Public toilet flusher to world events expert.


 "James Dean: Old Fart at the Wheel or Rubble Without a Cause?"

    The obvious question from looking at this old book cover? "Was James Dean really only 24 when he died?" We'll never know for sure. Because only the cover of this book has surfaced so far. It was discovered nailed to the wall of a junk yard in Southern California last year by Originaldo himself when his old LeBaron blew its radiator after crossing the desert headed for Hollywood.
Wheels, the young man who now owns the rather luxurious salvage yard claims that all he knows about it is that his grandfather, Motor Mouth was indeed the man who towed away the twisted wreckage of the Porsche that James Dean died in and that he actually only discovered the book cover last year when his grandfather died.
    Though Wheels said his grandpa never mentioned the actual book cover, he did tell him more than once that he had secretly discovered something very, very strange in the smashed glove old battered book without a cover that a man named Dean James wrote about staying young forever, in 1910. Wheels also admitted to Originaldo that grandpa sold the actual book to MGM for $250,000.
    So we can only speculate what this all means. Did Motor Mouth rip the cover off himself and keep it as an insurance policy? Was James Dean really an old man named Dean James,a super fitness freak with an expensive rug? Was James Dean really a reckless driver or did someone sabotage his car's brakes and steering? It is curious that two of Deans' three movies weren't released until after his death.
Or, was the accident itself simply a case of just another old fart at the wheel? Who the heck knows, maybe Motor Mouth's story is just so much bullshit and retouched photos and James Dean was really 24 and the twisted wreckage of his car was tragically nothing but "rubble without a cause."


"Sting King PU Body Builder"

    What's the King of Horror doing with the Bionic Woman? We all know how Sting (as close friends truncate Stephen King's name) almost got killed on his bicycle a few years ago. But what we don't know, until now, is how he spent several months recuperating at Privileged University School of Medicine and became very familiar with their Human Gnome DNA project.
    Lindsay Wagner, former star of the Bionic Woman and one of his many show biz friends, came to visit him one day and urged him to spend his time in the hospital body building and writing a new book. Very seriously, Sting said, "Only if you help me. See, Lindsay, I been laying here, lucky to be alive, and have finally realized I've wasted my great literary gift on writing mindless stories about talking cars and mad dogs and spooky hotels. Now, i realize I need to use my reputation to educate my readers of the real life horrors of playing with nature's DNA and so many other things. Will you help me?"
    So for nine months, they labored together on the brilliant book you see here. It was written as a cautionary black comedy tale with a very serious prophetic message. But, sadly, Sting's publisher said it was too far off base and controversial for his readers, that he should just stick to his old formula. And before Sting could find another publisher Privileged University put a restraining order on his manuscript, claiming it devulged priveleged information he had stolen from PU's labs.
Sting and Originaldo are at this moment trying to get the restraining order lifted and show the world what the future will hold if left to short-sighted ex-Star Trekkies. For now, the only enlightenment on this deadly subject will have to come from this bizarre book cover Lindsay put together and later smuggled out of the court room...while Sting distracted all present by boldly exposing his new pumped-up physique. "A $100 contempt of court fine is a small price to pay for getting out the truth," he later told Originaldo while jogging past Gold's Gym and pointing,"and there's a joint with its very own brand of PU," Sting King said, flatulating freely.


  "Piddler at the Podium"

    So where in Allah's name does the saga of this terroristic opium den poster begin? At birth, of course...when the frustrated doctor who delivered little Yassir slapped Yasser's mother in the face instead of Yasser's prune-shaped butt. Mrs. Arafat took one look at her little baby's face and said, "Oh, I see why you slapped me, Dr. Plo." And as impressionable Arafat grew up all his playmates in the sand teased him about how he had been hit by Allah's ugly stick." So "Y" as his family nicknamed him, decided at Sandstone University to go into show business and prove to his family how pretty he really was. But SU had no dramatics department so Yasser temporarily changed his name to Yassel and visited Israel's prestigous King David School of Drama and tried out for Fiddler on the Roof. He never even came close to getting the part, but the failed audition was all the evidence he needed to blame the Jews for his people's woes, and he pimped his little sister to pay a hungry Jewish artist to make up this phoney poster to show his friends back home. To tell the truth, the poster isn't all that phoney, because as soon as he got home, Y began fiddling in his very own rooftop shit house where nobody could see him, building bombs to blow up school buses headed for grade schools in the King David School District. "Ya gotta kill them little kikes in kindergarten, before they're big enough to keep you from driving them all into the sea," Y always said to his psychopathic followers. "To make an awful long and drawn out story short, "Ain't fate funny again," Originaldo says, "from Fiddler on the Roof to Piddler at the Podium and finally Shitler in the Sand."

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"Fidel Castro and JFK's Hunt For Red October"



 "Louis Farrakhan's Passover Interview"

"Colin Powell's Terminator One" 

 "Jim Nabors' The Wild One"

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"Don Knotts' Saturday Night Fever; The Japs Are Comin'"



"Geraldo Rivera's Lost Statues" 

"Jimmy Carter's Rat Pack"

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"Larry King's Hebrew American Hour"



"Oral Robert's Oral Robbers' Hour"

"Ronald Reagan is Lord of the Rings" 

"Pope John Paul II is The Godfodder"

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 "Richard Nixon's Scarface"



"Bruce Springsteen's Missile Reduction Treaty" 

 "Gerald Ford's Trash Bag Debate"

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"Rush Limbaugh's It's a Walgreenful Life"



 "Bob and Elizabeth: A Dole Romance"

"Lyndon Johnson's Platoon"
     "Boris Yeltsen, Mig Pilot"

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 "Jack Kevorkian's Good, Bad, and Ugly"



"John Ashcroft Closing In On Terrorism"

"Bob Dylan's Good Lady Down" 
   "Elvis Presley and Nat King Cole: A Tale of Two Kings"

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"Carroll O'Connor and James Dean's Family Secrets"



"Robin the Leach's New Lifestyles of the Rich and Infamous" 

"Bob Dylan and Squint Eastwood's High Plains Drifters"

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 "Janis Joplin's Sound of Music Vanity Promo"



"Ed Sullivan's Gone with the Wind"

"Top Gun Bill Gates" 
  "Albert Einstein's Rocky Squared"

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"Milton Berle's A-Team"



"Finally, All in the Family"

"Mick Jagger's Triumph of Integrity"
  "Rodney Dangerfield, Kate Winslet, Titanic Screentest"

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"Hussein, Arafat, Bin Laden are Desert Scum, Garbage in the Sand"



"Groucho Marx in Paris"

"Last Days of Khadafy" 
  "Jimmy Carter's North Korean Breakthrough: Read My Lips, No More MSG!!

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"Buzz Aldrich: Burgers on the Moon"



"George F. Will was Blueboy"

"Andy 'Hardy' Rooney was Napoleon" 
  "Don Rickles is Mad Max"

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 "Sam Donaldson's Kelly's Heroes"



"Roy Orbison Gets Pretty Woman"

"Sid Caesar was Titus" 
   "Donald Trump's Deal is Consummated"

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 "Ali-The Movement (the bullshit continues)"



"Ted Koppel and Charlie Rose's Nightwatch" 

 "Michael Jackson's Meet Me In St. Louis"

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 "Hugh Hefner's Playboy Mansion 2025"



"John Kennedy: Advisor and Bodyguard"

"Released Prematurely: Howard Stern and Andrew Dice Clay" 
  "Charlatan Heston's Big Gun Commandment"

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"Mike Tyson's Battle for the Planet of the Apes"



"Billy Graham's Billy's Angels" 

"Pat Buchanan's Lincoln Self Image" 
   "Neil Diamond as Squint Eastwood's Dirty Diamond"


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 "George and Laura Bush's Peace In Our Time"



"George W. Bush is The Graduate" 

  "Bin Laden's Summary Justice"



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"Joe Lieberman's Campaign Headquarters"



"Jerry Seinfeld's Hairdresser Diet" 

 "Ross Perot's Parrot Patriots"



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"Dick Cheney's Harry Potter" 



"Jerry Mathers as The Original Fugitive"

"Oprah Winfrey's Yolo Zen"
   "Star Truk: Final Delivery"



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"Jane Fonda's Steroid Earring Workout" 



"Tony Curtis was Wonder Woman"

"Chelsea Clinton in National Velveeta"
   "Jay Leno and David Letterman, Our Great Thinkers" 



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"Johnny Kerry as Austin 'Gringo' Powers" 



"Uncle Albert: an Apple Production" 

 "Jessie Jackson's Million Dollar Bar Mitzvah"
  "Betty Grable at Pearl Harbor" 



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"Elvis Presley was King David" 



"Edgar Allen Poe, The Raven Within" 

"Adolph Hitler: The Last Night"
    "Ho Chi Minh's Happy Days"



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"Jack Ruby's Marilyn Monroe Card"



"Edith Bunker was Cleopatra's Sister"

"Liberace was Cleopatra"
   "Was Bill O'Reilly Really Ben Hur?"



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"Ulysses S. Grant: Original Hustler"



"Phyliss Diller All Dillered Up"

 "Jim Carey and Britney Spear's Maltese Foulgoon"
  "Shirley MacLaine's Indiana Jones"



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"Wolf Blitzer, Last Samurai"



"Lily Tomlin Arnaz"

 "Mona Lisa DaVinci, the lavender Rose"
   "Elizabeth Taylor Van Gogh"



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"Dolly Parton's Ms. Moses"



"Tom Cruise was Queen Victoria"

 "Arnold Schwartzenegger was the actual Hunchback of Notre Dame"
   "Janet Jackson was Joan of Arc and she will Save America!"



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 "Leonardo DiCaprio was Martha Washington"

"Sean Connery may have been George Washington"

"Telly Savalas, Benjamin Franklin: Lollipops Instead of Lightning Rods"
  "Warren Beatty, Fay Dunaway: Bonnie and Clyde, the Director's Cut"



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"Was Dick Clark Bethoven's Musically-Challenged Brother"



"Ohno, John Lennon was not Charles Dickens!"

"Sir Paul McCartney Shakespear Etching Discovered At Last"
   "Jesus Christ Superman: the Coming of Wisdom"



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"The Passion of Christ or the Grudge of Mel Gibson?"



"Today's People"

"John Kerry and Hillary Clinton: Get Smart?"
  "James Dean Junior: Keys to the City"



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"Elizabeth Taylor was The Sphynx"



"Bush Cassidy and the Kerry Kid after the Count"

"Elvis Presley was King Tut"
   "Kirk Douglas, Katherine Ross and Robert Redford are the Hole in the Chin Gang"




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"White House: The Movement w/ George Bush and John Kerry"



"S is for Stallone, Sylvestor, Rambo, and Rocky"

"Jeb Bush, Miami Vice-President"
  "Candoleeza Rice is the Wizard of DC"



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"Leonardo DiCaprio is Ramboo!"



"Monica Lewinsky in Gulp Dicton"

"OJ Simpson and Johnny Cochran in The Jauntice of Justice?"
   "Mel Gibson's Very Own Xmas Album"



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"John Kerry's long lost Hustler Screentest"



"Reagan-Bush: And the Berlin Wall Comes Tumbling Down"

"Let The Harley Davidson Excercycle Do All The Sweating"



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"Head Soprano Henry Kissinger"



"Buffy Steven Segal"

"George 'Rocky' Bush in Bush III"
  "Edwards and Kerry were The Odd Couple"



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"Jerry Springer was Assassin John Wilkes Booth"



"Is Tonto the Real Wrong Ranger?"

"Sidney Poitier brings Martha Stewart to Dinner"

    Yes, it's Martha Stewart coming to dinner with Sidney Poitier in this high cost digitally-faked film available before now only to big time SS (Stewart Stockholders)...until Originaldo got his gilded hands on it to enlighten us all.


 "Candice Bergen returns in 'Brother Can You Spare a Time?'"

    Yes, it's Dime Lady Candice Bergen back collecting coins for U. S. Sprint on the cover of this undated and unreleased Sony Betamax video.



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"Young Archibald Bunker was a Head Nurse"

    Yes, it's Carrol O'Connor masquerading as Carol O'Connor, Registered Nurse, Angel of Mercy, long before he lost his hair and became Archie Bunker.



"Brando and Presley were the same person!"

    "That's the way it was."  Yes, this Michael Moore video produced for PBS (Presley-Brando Systems) proves beyond a shadow of a doubt, thanks to evidence discovered sealed in a bullet-proof Miracle Whip jar under Brando's 2004 supposed deathbed, that Marlon Brando and Elvis Presley were one and the same person. A lock of James Dean's hair and an as-yet-unreleased Kodachrome may show a Brando-Presley-Dean connection beyond belief...a real triple-header. But, wait a minute, is Brando really gone, or is the King who masqueraded as all three (Brando, Presley, and Dean) still with us. Jerry Lewis??? No way, Jose. That's it; Jose Luis, Jerry's laid back Franco-Mexican-American cousin and frequnt impersonator.


"Robin Williams and Gene Wilder's Shock Treatment Guide"

    Robin Williams introduces Gene Wilder's shocking tale of why both of these so-called "electrifying comedians" are the way they are.


"Babe Ruth is the real Batman"

    You guessed it, sports fans, the original Batman was Babe Ruth. He went out on the field in a black cape one dark Halloween evening and slugged 3 homers, while a comic book color boy watched and got his supposedly original brainstorm for the iconic Batman series. Hey, let's give credit where credit is due. Good goin' again, Bambino! As a sudenote, Topps captired the moment on the card you see here, but mysteriously never published it. Could Topps and DC Comics be owned by the rip-off artist??



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"Andy Griffith's Blue Hawaii Clambake"

    In his very first Elvis impersonation filmed on the beaches of Blue Hawaii, Andy Griffith proves you're never too old for an old-fashioned clambake.



"Lawrence Welk of Arabia"

    Champagne bottle lip prints have shown that Lawrence Welk was Lawrence of Arabia in a prior lifetime. Further more it has been documented that both men once said, "Give me a bottle of Champagne Music and I'll give you a Battle of Myrth." Hey, what more proof do you need you sun-baked beerheads out there in make believe land?


"Ringo's Bloated Starr was Falstaff"

     Ringo Starr was The Falstaff?? Sort of far-fetched?? BNA (Belly 'N Ale) never lies, my beer-bloated friends..


 "John 'Patrick Henry' Travolta"

    "Give me Disco or give me Death?" Give me a break. John Travolta's preincarnation was Patrick Henry? As you can see though, the truth is in the plum pudding my fellow Saturday Night patriots.


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"Elton John Paul Jones"

    "Philadelphia Freeman, the British are Coming?" Get serious, Elton John's preincarnation was John Paul Jones? As serious as a heart attack, you can see once more, the truth is in the plum pudding my fellow Philadelphia Freedom lovers.



"Michael 'Roger" Moore, Saint or Hatriot?"

    Is kind-hearted documentarian Michael Moore the sultry soul who some have chosen to brand "The Hatriot," or is he actually the abandoned American sibling of Englishman Roger Moore's "The Saint?" Or is he helplessly stranded somewhere out in the middle of the North Atlantic atop the very same iceberg that sank the Titanic at the turn of the last century?


"Hopalong Cassidy, helper of the handicapped"

    This tattered old business card tells the true story of William Boyd who played Hopalong Cassidy. Hoppy was so agile, even his directors never knew he had a maple peg leg. But, finally, when his show was canceled, the all-American hero had to make a buck some way and went into the budget prosthetics business with his younger brother Stephen Boyd (who later went on to Ben-Hur fame and left Hoppy to stump it on his own). Barely able to wean out a living for himself, he nevertheless spent his golden years jump starting the Americans with Disabilities Act. An Originaldo hats-off to a true American Altruist!


 "Law and Order's case of the Parked Wheelchair"

    Boob-tubers, as you can see from this prematurely released video of an upcoming episode of Law and Order, there is a big question brewing in little Walker, Kansas. Is it legal for wheelchairs to be parked in handicapped spaces?



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"John Edwards' all new Adam 12"

    Vice-presidential candidate John Edwards got his start in public affairs on the pilot for a new "2 Adam 12" series. It appears above as if his seasoned partner Kent McCord has his own opinion of his new partner.



"Tom Edison finally gets his own electric meter"

    It had to happen. No more free statue lighting for Thomas Edison. He has to pay like all the rest of us elcoholics.


"Henry Ford Museum w/ giant Gas Pump"

    Ford gets gas! Look what they've done to poor Henry Ford minding his own business atop his own museum. Is nothing sacred anymore?


 "Elvis Presley's Little Sister Michelvis"

    Remember the golden-oldie "Little Sister." Did anyone ever imagine that Elvis was singing it about his actual little sister, Michelvis? Of course not. Michelvis wanted to make it big on her own so even when she and Elvis made a joint appearance in Vegas, she pleaded with her big brother to please not mention she was his sister. She eventually moved to St. Louis where she's still the toast of the town (on open mike nights anyway). However on the 30th anniverary of Elvis' "leaving the building" she plans to issue this video to set the history books straight..and maybe make a well-deserved few bucks in the process.



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"Dwight Eisenhower was O. Henry's Ghost Writer"

    Forensic materials recently discovered under General Eisenhowers rusting quonset hut on the Normandy Beaches have indicated that Likable Ike was probably O. Henry's favorite ghost a previous life of course.




"John Candy took on Dwight Eisenhowers Essence"

    And Karmatic Scriptures discovered atop Mount Sinai have led experts to believe that, at birth, John Candy inherited a portion of General Dwight Eisenhower's soul.


"Abe Lincoln once rode as the great liberator Spartacus"

    Blood stains discovered recently under the old carpet at Ford Theatre have matched with those on one of the Roman spikes used to crucify Spartacus, thus proving once and for all that Abraham Lincoln has been a great liberator in every life he has lived.


"Martin Luther King inheritied a bit of Lincon's Essence"

    Hair DNA discovered under the sink of the motel where Martin Luther King was assassinated have matched the same Lincoln DNA discovered at Fords Theatre.



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"Genghis Khan became Sam Walton"

    Recently unearthed inside a sacred Mongol Temple while repairing a clay thunder jug beneath a bedroom never occupied by anyone but Ghengis Khan, seventeen calcified stool samples have been chromatically matched to those left in the executive suite of a nearby Sam's Club, and later to those extracted from Sam Walton's exhumed remains. Gold dust was mysteriously dscovered in both great conquerors samples and a look see into how the dust got there is now under investigation by the Swiss G.I. Department. Soon all the world will know if both great conquerors actually seasoned their food with gold dust.



"Mata Hari was reborn as Ivana Trump"

    The French medical school near where Mata Hari was executed way back in 1913 is being razed to make room for the Eifel-Trump Tower Casino. And wouldn't you know it, locked in a rusting safe a vial of Mata Hari's post mortem blood has weathered the years since the dissection by med students of her unclaimed body. Ivana Trump heard of the news and actually requested to see if her blood matched. Almost...not quite. But the Mata Hari sample was somewhat contaminated due to a leaky lead seal around the lip of the perfume bottle which served as a makeshift vial for so many long and war-torn decades. At any rate, Ivana has filed marketing trademark rights to both names Ivana Hari and Mata Trump.


"Jessie James became Lee Harvey Oswald"

    Thanks to Originaldo's spy cam, the truth is out 8 years early. The truth??? That there was a Warren Coommission II and it concluded after 42 years of psychotic and forensic sampling that patsey Lee Harvey Oswald may have indeed involuntarily inherited the mind of Jessie James and is therefore not responsible for his actions...known in the sound-proof locker rooms of the Congressional Caucus Coroner's Office as "Genetic Discountability." Neither Oprah Winfrey or Gerald Ford could be contacted for their controversial comments.


 "Picasso was not Davinci, despite his claims to be so"

    The report cover you see here is a fraud. Sighted instructors at the Picasso Art School for the Totally Blind in New York and Paris jointly and deliberately reworked Leonardo daVinci's famous self-drawing to resemble a photo of Picasso taken 400 years later...and now claim Pablo was Leonardo re-incarnated based on ten years of phoney retrographic analysis. They must think the whole world is blind.



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"Harry 'S is for Samson' Truman"

    Harry "S is for Sampson" Truman. A middle initial and an ancient Dead Sea Illustration are worth a thousand thousands of words. How much more proof do you scholarly hystorians need?



"Caeser's favorite tax collector was Regis Philben"

    As you can see from this unreleased IRS report cover which was leaked to Originaldo's favorite recovering Las Vegas call girl, Regis Philbin has always been fascinated by the taste of other people's money. He once collected it for Caesar; now he gives it away on long as his advertisers give him many times more than the amount given away. Who do you think you are kidding with the money-eatin' grin, Mr. Regis Affability Philben??


"Bill Cosby once fought evil as Robin Hood"

    The sordid, yet refreshing, saga of how neo-nazi groups have fruitlessly paid the european media millions of euros trying to suppress the undeniable scientific evidence recently discovered at stonehenge. A very detailed image of Robin Hood with Bill Cosby's face was found carved deep into the underside of a stone rolled over by an earthquake...and an official Scotland Yard artists colorized rendering of it was given to Originaldo to reveal to the world.


"Jame Brown inherited the same passion as Abolitionist John Brown"

     "John is James, James is John!" is all Rock 'n Roll Legend James Brown could chant over and over when he received the official DNA report from Harpers Ferry where Abolitionist John Brown's bones still lie. A correctionist and thankfully bloodless movement has been successful in having John's face replaced with James' mug on the magnificent wall fresco in the Capital Rotunda in Topeka, Kansas.



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"Geronimo and his George Foreman Grill"

    Yes, George Foreman Grill lovers, DNA matches and photo-forensics have come together to open a new chapter in the ingenuity of native Americans. Mr. Foreman was indeed Geronino in a previous life...and deep hypnosis at the Edgar Caycee Institute has shown that Foreman invented his grill over 120 years ago to cook buffalo scraps thrown to him by his reservation landlords. Hisory does have a strange way of working itself out, doesn't it?



"Laurel Lewis and Hardy Clark"

    Yes, a picture engraved in the granite of time is worth a century of words. DNA-enhanced Foto-Phorensics have proved that the goofy guys known as Laurel and Hardy were once the great explorers Lewis and Clark. Sadly, as is so often the case nowadays, souls migrate from the Age of Enlightenment to the Age of Entertainment.


"Davey Brinkley was David Crockett"

    If David Brinkley says he was Davy Crockett, then David Brinkley was Davy Crockett. No high tech DNA or Fotophorensic tests necessary here.


 "Dalai 'Nostradamus' Lama"

    Yes, hallucinogenic dianetic patients at the Mount Pulsar Specularium outside San Diego have proven astrophorensically that Dalai Lama lived at least twice as Nostradamus and out-patients now living in nearby Tijuana claim they have have unearthed clay quatrains to further substantiate the notion. Good goin' guys!



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"Ed 'pre-Budweiser' McMahon"

    As you can see from this bootleg poster just released by his first wife, picking a pair of six-packs was not the smartest thing Ed McMahon ever did.



"Brad Pitt posed for Leonardo's John the Baptist"

    Very sadly, a recent cleaning of Leonardo's 500 year old famous portrait of "John the Baptist in the Wilderness" was way too rigorous and removed the top layer of paint...only to reveal an amazing likeness of today's Hollywood Hotshot Brad Pitt. Further research exposed the truth. A young model named Bradley from the nearby village of Pitts (Bradley da Pitts) was da Vinci's first model but Pitts' missing teeth and aggitated attitude forced Leonardo to paint over Pitts' face with a more peaceful face...which is now lost forever except in photos of the painting and in the winds of time.


"Morgan Freeman and Annette Freeman See-Equal"

    Only two questions have been asked since this pre-production poster was somehow leaked anonymously to our sources. Is Morgan Freeman or Annette Benning the American President? In either case, is it to be a fictional fantasy...or a biographic reality?


  "Barry 'Socrates' Manilow"

     Nostradamus wrote five centuries ago,"Then, in times of frivolous fancy following two worldwide wars, the great Socrates shall be reborn as the one who writes the songs that make the young girls cry." Simply compare the face of Socrates in the centuries old oil painting with the concert photo taken in our times...and judge for yourself. Is DNA or Fotophorensic matching really necessary?? The only question remaining is why would Nostradamus label our age as times of frivilous fancy. Are not all of us more altruistically enlightened and consumed with pondering the deeper meanings of our proper place on Earth and in the universe than ever before? Obviously Nostradamus was not as wise as our great mind-shapers Leno and Letterman.



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"Bette Midler flew as Amelia Earhardt"

        This last remaining A&E Biography video made over ten years ago was recently discovered by an East L.A. Trucker named Bull in a Beverly Hills landfill not far from Bette Midler's modest 200 room castle and airstrip. According to Bull it shows who was the real author of "The Wind Beneath My Wings." Amelia Earhardt penned it after her plane crashed near an uncharted Pacific Island. Most mysteriously, when Bette heard the news of this documentary she remembered how a pair of old eye glasses identical to those worn by Amelia had come into her possession the day before she actually recorded the song. For all the details you'll have to wait for A&E to lift its ban on public distribution of the soul-shaking evidence.


"Hirohito rapes Pearl Harbor"

    Here you see the Endustrial Lite and Majic's first publicity poster for the movie Pearl Harbor. But politically-correct producers rejected it as sour grapes that might offend a potentially lucrative Japanese audience who still have fond memories of Hirohito...the real producer of the day of infamy that wiped the notion of paradise from the face of the Earth forever. One of the artists involved in rendering the poster was obviously able to smuggle a copy of it to Originaldo before all copies and even the artists' proof were ordered destroyed.


"Diana Betsey Ross Ross"

    Here you see one of two oil paintings which were anonymously delivered to the National Portrait Gallery. The above shows General Washington praising Betsey Ross's flag and praising her voice. You can see Betsey Ross looks almost identical to Diana Ross of the Supremes. Notes and quotes are not on the painting but have been added to a photo of the painting for demonstration purposes. The actual notes and quotes are written on the reverse side of the canvas. Below is the other version.


"Laura Bitsey Ross Bush"

     Here you see the other version of the painting in question, a version which shows Laura Bush as Betsey Ross. Carbon-dating is underway to determine which painting is authentic. In the mean time, President Bush has reported that the Smithsonian has reported to him that both may be authentic...that actually there were two Ross sisters who sewed the first flag, Betsey and Bitsey...who later became Diana and Laura. The Smithsonian has reported to President Bush that both paintings may be authentic, that records report that Betsey had a younger sister Bitsey who helped her with the flag. The President has not yet revealed that Laura and Diana make marvelous harmony and are planning on forming a new Motown group called The Flagg Sisters.



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"Shirley Temple was Dolly Madison "

       Yes, old movie fans and history puffs, fiction is sometimes stranger than fact. Several female hair strands from President James Madison's hair brush which is now in the Smithsonian have matched hair taken from child-star and public servant Shirley Temple Black. Everybody knows that our fourth President always called his wife Dolly, but First Lady Madison's private diary has recently revealed he also called her "curly top" in their most tender moments. Curly Top is one of Shirley temples most well-known movies. And annonymous sources have revealed to Originaldo that Shirley's mother called her "My Dolly." And look at the famous oil painting above. Who can doubt the resemblance between Dolly and Shirley??


"Columbo Archimedes"

    You can bet your tobacco stained dentures, Peter Falk who played Columbo was once the great scientist and cigar smoker Archimedes...according to the Havana Scatological Foundation which is in possession of Archimedes' false teeth. Both men dedicated their lives to unlocking the secrets of the universe while under the influence of Havana Cigars, the HSF reports.


"Rick 'Magellan' Nelson"

    From this old curated oil painting print with a recent snapshot of Rick Nelson superimposed on it and which recently fell into the hands of GAME (Global Art Market Enterprise), it's obvious that Rick Nelson was definitely once the original "Travelin' Man (his first hit and the world's first music video)," none other than the first joker to sail around the world, Mr. Ferdinand Magellan. It should also be noted that the birth archives in Spain record that Ferdinand's parents names were Mary and Louis; you know, like in Rick's second chart buster "Mary Lou." Ain't history funny the way its continuity seems to always work itself out??


"L. Ron Hubbard's Mental Laxative"

    Here you see the first cover for L. Ron Hubbard's mind manifesto "Dianetix." Butthe makers of Ex-Lax threatened to sue, so the name was changed to Dianetics and all copies were burned...except of course this one that a homeless Vietnam Vet recovered while foraging for a meal in a San Francisco landfill and forwarded to anti-social activist Originaldo.



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"Jane 'Mary Lincoln' Pauley"

    Too many times to count over the years, Jane Pauley has reported live from the Lincoln Memorial. Each time, at the end of the report, but while the cameras were still rolling, Pauley burst out in tears and anguished but seemingly meaningless verbage which would last until a network helicopter was able to scurry her back to the studio. Pauley refused counseling until just recently. Sure enough, under deep hypnosis, she revealed her true prior identity as Mary Todd Lincoln. Secret Service handwriting experts compared Jane's handwriting with that of letters written by Mrs. Lincoln during her brief stay in an asylum...and they matched perfectly. Strangely, letters written by Mrs. Lincoln while not in the asylum matched, but not quite so perfectly. At any rate, as a former First lady, Jane Pauley has now been given a lifetime Secret Service entourage to guard her. And of course those precious video tapes of Pauley crying are being analyzed and will soon be a part of a CBS special on Reincarnation...hosted of course by Jane Todd Pauley and the Commander of her Secret Service Entourage.


"Walter 'Charles Atlas' Cronkite"

    We all know Walter Cronkite was a brilliantly benevolent reporter. But not until after his death has it become widely known that he was not only a mind builder but also a bodybuilder known as Wally Concrete. The above layout for a 1950's Popular Mechanics advertisement that sadly never went to press because of Charles Atlas's own jealousy, was stolen from the aging safe in the Cronkite Mansion by a partially rehabilitated safecracker and traded to an anonymous source for a study guide and diploma from Wally Concrete's Charles Atlas Speaking Course.


"Dr. 'Peter Pan' Ruth"

    Dr. Ruth Westheimer...Peter Pan??? Hey, all we can say is "Would PPS lie to us?" But you judge for yourself by reading this explicit unauthorized autobiography. And if that is not enough to convince you, microbiologists at MIT have successfully matched dirt under Dr. Ruth's fingernails with finger smudges found on a letter to the author of Peter Pan from the young boy Peter that served as inspiration for the timeless tale.


"Steve 'Florence Nightingale' McQueen"

    So you don't believe that tough guy Steve McQueen could have possibly been the loving and tender nurse Florence Nightingale in a previous life. Well, the Institute for Genealogical Continuity didn't either, until they examined the circumstantial evidence. Would you believe McQueen's illegitimate mother's name was Florence Gail Night? Would you believe Nightingale founded the Queen of McStevens Nursing School 75 years before she was reborn as Steve McQueen? Okay, it's purely circumficial evidence, but the handwriting of both match identical. Handwriting experts in Geneva, South Dakota, claim samples of writing from Steve and Florence had to have come from the same hand. This also explains why McQueen went to such extremes to prove his overcome a very feminine and loving handwriting, handwriting which was never put on display until his death. Rest in peace while you can, Steve and Florence, for you will certainly rise again.



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"Merry 'Madonna' Pippins"

    Seemingly down and dirty Madonna playing the part of Mary Poppins? No, not at all. She actually was Mary Poppins, or at least the inspiration for the timeless tale. Her name was actually pie maker Mary Pippins and this Dizzney docudrama will someday prove it beyond all reason. Would you believe Madonna's dentures match perfectly the skeletal teeth of Mary Pippin's which have been kept in a jar on the mantel above the Pippins Pie Factory's main fireplace? Now we know why Madonna, the poor sugar-happy little virgin, lives on a diet of one Pippins pie a day and nothing else whatsoever.



"Eddie 'Willie Wonka' Murphy"

     The candy-colored kodachrome above, which recently sold at Sotheby's for 25 cents, pretty much speaks for itself . Eddie Murphy's twin father was Willie Wonka. Similiar to Madonna's one-pie-a-day diet, Eddie Murphy lives on absolutely nothing but one two pound chocolate bar a day. No wonder he acts the zaney way he does.


"Sammy Jefferson Davis"

     It has been documented that on each Halloween afternoon during the Civil War, Jefferson Davis, president of the Confederacy, would put Lincoln brand black shoepolish on his face to look like one of his countless slaves and then tap dance late into the night at his annual Halloween Ball. Historians have wondered why for 140 years. Now they know. This early Daguerreotype photo of Jefferson Davis has been computer enhanced and colorized by the FBI to show he fixed himself up to look exactly like Sammy Davis Jr. Why?? Because his subconscious mind knew he would be reincarnated as Sammy Davis Jr. A footnote: Jefferson Davis' dog was named Sammy. Is this a subtle clue into the workings and reasons for reincarnation?? We'll let you, the people, decide.


 "Lucille Cueball Franklin"

    This long suppressed oil painting of Benjamin Franklin, when compared to a publicity shot of Lucille Ball, clearly shows that Lucy, in a previous life, was Ben Franklin who was fondly known in France as "CueBall." It is also interesting to note that both incarnations preferred the color red (compare Franklin's collar to Lucy's coiffure. But there's more. Lucille Ball was a master at pool just as Franklin was a master at CueBall Diplomacy. But is htere a final straw that supports the camel's back? Yes. We all know Franklin was never married even though he had many girlfriends all over the Colonies and Europe. Several never-before-seen diary pages in Franklin's own hand have surfaced recently that tell how his first teenage love was a South Virginia girl named Luci Belle. And for months after her untimely heart attack death from overlaughing at one of Franklin's Poor Richard jokes, Franklin wailed for months in hysterical tears, "I Love Luci, I love Luci!!!" He swore he would never again fall so deeply in love to honor hte love he had for here. But, you say, this could all be circumstantial looksee and hearsay. Microbiologists have just recently positively matched the hair follicles on Franklin's collar to those on Lucille Ball's head. Does that mean Franklin had a collar made from his girfriend Luci's hair? Yes, it was a common expression of eternal love in those colonial days for a young girl to sew a coat collar from her own hair for her favorite beau. And Franklin wore the coat for over 50 years and never washed it. It now hangs in an airtight odor-containment chamber at the Smithsonian.



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"The Three Graceful Stooges of the Apocalypse"

    Impossible to believe the fun-loving Three Stooges were once the Three Graces and then became three of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse? Well this artist's rendering was made in the late 1800's, before any of the Stooges were born. It's a duplicate of a Grecian Church fresco painted over four thousand years ago but destroyed in WWI, the supposed war to end all wars. So now we know the Stooges were once the Graces, but how do we know the Stooges were also three of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse. Firstly, because of their barbaric behavior. Their disgustingly graceful beating up on each other to entertain our children has been linked by the new Federal Department of Computerized Social Research to our once apocalyptically rising crime rate...until, amazingly, the last of the three Stooges died for the time being and our crime rate began to gradually decline. Sure, you cannot deny that the Stooges were the Graces given the likenesses shown above, but the computerized link to the horsemen is purely circumstantial and speculative. Is it? DNA tests on hair from all three stooges showed they all contained a mutated gene...identical to the hair gene for a horse. So who is the fourth Horseman of the Apocalypse? The evidence is in but Originaldo's lips are sealed until he visits Eastern Europe to analyze the evidence himself. But Originaldo did give a bit of a hint. The mutated gene found in the Stooges hair is reported to be identical to that of a single hair found stuck to the skull of the anti-Christ which is now in Moscow for safekeeping. Okay, one more hint. The Three Stooges were brothers with the real last name Schickelgrupper...Adolph Hitler's real last name. Still haven't figured it out? Well, we can lead a horse to water but can't make it drink.



"Paul 'Liberty' Newman"

     Remember Johnny Cash's song, "A Boy Named Sue?" Sure you do, but so what's that got to do with the Statue of Liberty? Well, we all also know that Ellis Island, is named after John Ellis, the Frenchie who sculpted the magnificent gift to America. But his given name was not John. It was Joanne. So it was no surprise when Joanne gave his first born son the name Pauline for the same reason that Joanne's father gave him a girl's toughen him up by having to fight off all the teasing his fellow youngsters would throw his way. The history books say it was Joanne's mother who posed for Lady Liberty. But it was actually Joanne's son, Pauline. And he coaxed Pauline to pose for him by telling him it would make Pauline a New Man. Sure enough, copper scrapings from the statue have been matched to several key copper molecules embedded in Paul Newman's DNA. Just as Joanne became known as John when he matured, Pauline was given the name Paul when he was reborn as a world-famous actor and married Joanne Woodward. Funny the way history weaves its web, but the story would not be complete without mentioning that Joanne's nickname had been "Woody (you know, like in Woodward)" before he turned sculpting in copper. The story Elsie Ellis, Joanne's wife and Pauline's mother, played in this whole affair is just so mind-boggling and beautiful that Originaldo does not believe the world is ready for it at this time.


"Diane 'The Thinker' Sawyer"

    For years , heavy layers of all kinds of nasty crud have been building up on Rodin's Thinker displayed outside in the chemical-laden New York weather since 1880. Just recently a 60 Minutes researcher and GOfer named Scraper was going through old sketches done by Rodin himself. The drawings pictured a media-friendly female face rather than the pensive masculine face now on the Thinker statue. Scraper petitioned the museum curators to allow him to do a little scraping on the statue. But, of course, the narrow-minded bureaucrats refused. So, Scraper, actually Al Pacino's son, asked his father to help him do some scraping late at night. Believe it or not, Diane Sawyer's face emerged. Thanks to Al and son Scraper, we now know Diane Sawyer was Rodin's real a previous life of ocurse we would think. Surprise. When old man Pacino asked Sawyer to comment, she replied coyly,"Well, I do have a rather brilliant mind, don't I. How about a hot toddy over at my place and we'll discuss it privately, Mr. Scarface." Sources close to the Sawyer Suite claim Sawyer completely revealed that while both her mind and body are 140 years old, thanks to Rodin's mental synergy, she hasn't aged a bit in 120 of those 140 years. Only Sawyer, and of course Pacino, can substantiate her claim that a fountain of eternal youth does actually exist if we Think about it intensely enough. As a side note, Scraper's sister, Rouge, is Sawyers makeup girl and has hinted that she has been instructed over the years to actually apply makeup on Diane's face which would make her seem to very gradually age. After all, Cover Girl is one of their chief sponsors and where would they be if everybody found Rodin's Fountain of Youth?


"Tiny Tim Junior is Walking Tall"

    Sadly, Tiny Tim is no longer with us. But his son, Tiny Tim II, has stepped forward to take his place in the cruel world of entertainment. "Tiny had no son!" you say?? Wrong. Tiny Tim kept his son's birth and life a total secret, even from Tiny Tim II's mother Miss Vicky. How could he keep it a secret from the mother?? Tiny and Vicky decided on a natural birth at home and when Vicky delivered she was only half conscious, and it was twins, a girl and a very small boy. Quickly Tiny quickly ferreted the boy into the dining room and lied, telling Miss Vicky she had simply delivered a beautiful daughter. Shortly after the birth Tiny and Miss Vicky got divorced and Tiny was free to raise the unknown son the way he wanted to...away from the public eye. Tiny made Tiny II swear he would never make his true identity known, "at least not while I'm on this Earth!" So when father Tiny Sr. recently left this Earth, Tiny II stepped forward to carry on the family entertainment tradition. Tiny II is only 4 feet tall but walks tall and carries a big stick along with his fathers ukelele. He only uses the big stick when some wisenheimer calls him, "Junior." An aging Joe Don Baker, star of the original Walking Tall movie, was sipping hot borscht at the greasy spoon next to Grauman's Chinese Theater with his producer when he first saw Tiny II in action. That's all it took. Baker and his producer grabbed Tiny II and signed him to a lucrative contract for a cinematic blockbuster named "Walking Tall II." Originaldo, who is about finished with the script, casually comments, "The Rock, who now stars in a lackluster B grade remake of Walking Tall will beg Tiny II to knock his block off when he sees how much better Tiny II's movie is than The Rock's. I predict by this time next year The Rock will become known as The Pebble as he goes tip-toeing through the tulips to oblivion."



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"Joan 'Venus De Milo' Rivers"

    Well, as you may have guessed, the same joker named Scraper who brought The Thinker statue back to life, decided to take a crack at the Venus De Milo statue over in Melissa, Spain. From the face alone, Scraper suspected that Joan Rivers was the model, though it was not an exact match. But after some heavy duty scraping it looked exactly like Joan, as can be seen in the unretouched photo above. But, who knows, maybe Scraper intentionally scraped the face just to the point where it matched Joan Rivers. Possible, but not so. Ever wonder why the statue is missing both arms? Because, while the rest of the statue is sculpted marble, the arms were actually plaster of Paris castings of the model's hands and arms. This is a closely guarded secret because the curators of the statue don't want the public to think the sculptor (who happened to be Spanish) was lazy. Well, scraper did some poking around and found the two missing arms in a mostly old broom closet that hadn't been opened in hundreds of years. After wiping all the dust off them, Scraper made impressions of the fingerprints on all ten fingers...and, of course, they matched Ms. Rivers. Not Joan Rivers, but her daughter Melissa (you know, like the same name as the town of Melissa, Spain where the statue was sculpted). So what's the explanation? It would seem that Joan Rivers incarnation of almost two thousand years ago simply didn't want to get her pristine arms all dirty from the plaster of Paris, so she let her daughter do the dirty work. Two more interesting side notes. Joan Rivers was born in the small town of Carstown in Southern, Illinois, along the beautiful Venus (as in Venus de Milo) River. Lastly, but not leastly, Joan's little known middle name is Millie (as in de Milo). And is it stretching a point to say that her hometown of Carstown sounds a little like Carson, as in Johnny Carson, and as in Jon Cason, the original Spanish sculptor. Maybe Johnny was actually Jon who is reported to have been very angry at his model when she left for another job and he was forced to use her daughter to cast the flimsy arms and hands which fell off even before his bodily death so many centuries ago? And of ocurse we all know Joan Rivers loves statues, especially the gold kind they hand out at the Oscars. You don't even want to know what Venus de Milo's husbands name was. Hint: It starts out as Oscar De.....



"Glda "Bathsheba' Meir"

    Golda Meir, Matriarch of modern day Israel, appears to be the model for Bathsheba, Biblical David's favorite lady, as can be plainly seen in this recently cleaned painting rendered by the Dutch Master of Masters Rembrandt van Rijn. But why, after 500 years, was it all of sudden decided that the masterpiece was to receive a cleaning? Because Trador, a keen-eyed clerk at the Dutchmaster's Cigar Shop and Art Gallery in Amsterdam noticed sticky, undried paint in the facial area, shortly after he acquired the masterpiece looted during WWII by Rommel himself. Trador had traded a truck load of Holland-Havana Cigars to one of Yassir Arafat's PLO operatives for the painting, coincidentally the morning of the very day that Arafat recently died. Arafat never got to smoke the cigars but Trador did to delicately remove the fresh paint which Arafat had his artsey sister apply to cover Golda Meir's face. Arafat did not want the world to know that Golda had actually once been linked to the Ancient Jewish Dynasty and modernday Israel therefore have a legitimate claim to all of Palestine. At any rate, why did we say in the beginning of this monologue that Golda appeared to be Rembrandt's model? Because the art history books say Rembrandt used no models for his historical paintings, that he was not only the greatest portrait artist in the world, but also known by fellow citizens of Rijn, Holland as the unsurpassed spiritual channeller ever. The icing on the Bas Mitzvah cake...Golda Meir was incarnated 500 years later in the same small town of Rijn, as reported in a special issue of Time magazine put out after they bought exclusive rights to Trador's story. Why have we not all read this special issue? Because the pathetic remains of the PLO bought up all 6 million copies as they rolled off the press...except for the one galley proof. And you can guess who ended up with that. The first 3 letters of his name are Ori... And Ori added a bit of his own terse insight to the story of Samson and Delilah, "We all know Golda Meir was once a Miss America contender and would therefore quite naturally fit into the role of a towering, if plump, beauty in a previous lifetime, channelled or otherwise, for both King David and Master Rembrandt. Long Live Israel and Us All!! Damn the Terrorist Topedoes, full speed ahead toward World Peace!"


"Clint Eastwood's 'Million Dollar Baby' Hlary Swank"

    Clint Eastwood's "Million Dollar Baby" starring Hilary Swank won the 2005 Oscar for Best Picture of the Year...and it reportedly only took 37 days to produce. Wrong. It took almost three decades. While starring in the 70's spaghetti western "Fistful of Dollars," Clint impregnated the swanky Italian casting director and before long was the proud father of Hilary Swank Eastwood. As soon as Hilary began speaking, she asked her father to drop the Eastwood from her name and get lost so she could make it on her own. When Clint refused to, 3-year old Hilary punched him in his protruding adams apple and the young tyke got her way. But, with a permanently ruptured adams apple, Clint made Hilary promise they would some day make a boxing movie together and put a million dollars in a trust fund for Hilary until then. Clint then left Italy after his last spaghetti western, "Hang 'em High," and left Hilary in Italy to develop her own million dollar style. The photo you see above was taken by Allen Funt's Candida Camerati, unbeknownst to either Clint or Hilary...until Originaldo discovered it in the box of a one dollar frozen Totino's Pizza that had been in the deep freeze for a very long time.


"Roy Rogers' East St. Louis Gateway Arch"

    You better believe there's a long tall tale behind the Roy Rogers East St. Louis Gateway Memorial Arch.



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"Elvis Presley's Geriat Rock"

The Elvis Presley Ultimate Comeback Special.



"Halle Berry in Very Little Women"

    Halle Berry starring in Very Little Women


"Halle Huckle Berry Finn"

    Halle Berry was actually Huckleberry Finn.


"Charlie 'Madame Curie' Sheen"

    Charlie Sheen's Great Aunt was supposedly Madame Curie. But actually, Charlies Sheen is Curie's clone.



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"The Prozacolypse"

        The Prozacolypse has so-called anti-depressants like Prozac have become the most dangerous threat to humans and all Earth in history. They threaten to make us put on a happy face as we lead increasingly meaningless and self-centered lives while we continue to destroy everything non-human on the Planet!!


"Apostle Paul Anka"

    Songwriter and ageless teen idol Paul Anka has been positively linked to the Apostle Paul. Super computers in Anka's hometown of New testament, Tennessee have positively matched the sentence syntax of his song writings to Apostle Paul's New Testament writings. And, would you believe it, newly discovered Dead Sea Scraps have shown that the Apostle Paul had been born into the Ankah tribe of Israel before converting to Christianity which he helped found. Thank you, Paul A. and A. Paul.


"Bogart's Casablanca Revisited"

     Casablanca's Humphrey Bogart and Dooley Wilson play it again as Sam and Rick in this revisted, reversed, and restored sequel finally released after sitting on MGM'sdusty shelves for 50 years. And you can bet there's a long story behind it which will be released anyday now by soon as he can figure it out for himself.


 "Richard Daniel Boone"

    Handwriting analysis and forensic hair stylists have proven beyond a shadow of some doubt that Daniel Boone of the Wild West was reincarnated as Richard Boone of "Have Gun, Will Travel." Notice their first and middle names were simply transposed by that tricky little rascal we call fate. And notice in this very old oil painting of Daniel Boone done from life, that not only does Dan look exactly like Rich but Danny's hat is topped with the same chess piece, the Kinight, that was emblazened on Paladin's terse business card. If that isn't enoung proof for oyur skeptical self, isn't it very interesting that Daniel Boone, for some strange reason, asked that he be buried in San Francisco even though he had never been there, the same town where Paladin lived in a swanky between gun battles with the bad guys.



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"Bill Gates Juniors Cloning Lab"

    'Puterhead Bill Gates is a very unique individual and he's here to stay, thanks to this top secret Bill Gates Jr. Breeding Cubible and countless others like it which will pop out the efficient, if not totally human, Gates Generation.



"Glen Souperman Campbell"

    Hey all you tomatoheads, now you know where song Souperman Glen Campbell got the cash for all his hair spray...from this corny Campbell's Super Tomato Soup ad that never ran. But Glen still got to keep his fee of ten thousand cans of Super Tomato Hair Spray. And multi-fauceted Glen also came up with the catchy jingle, "Try Campbell's, it's Souper for Supper!" And the rest is history...thankfully.


"The Crisco Kid's Battle of the Bulge"

    So you see, this is what happened when the lean, mean Cisco Kid traded his pistol in for a spoon and traded Pancho in for a can of Crisco.



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    "Alicia Silverstone in 'Lone Ranger and Pronto'"

As you can see in this one-of-a-kind poster proposing a new generation of Lone Ranger movies, a young Alicia Silverstone who was actually Jay Silverheel's daughter, was cast as her ailing father Tonto's replacement, an Indian Princess named named "Pronto." When movie mogul Oliver Stone insisted Roger Moore, Clayton Moore's son, be cast as the next generation Lone Ranger, Clayton Moore, as helathy and vigorous as ever, objected and the project was dropped. When Alicia Silverheels married Oliver Stone's son Hart, rather than use the name Alicia Silverheels Stone, she dropped the heels and shortened it to Alicia Silverstone. Thanks to Originaldo, even though he never had a son fortunate enough to date Alicia, you nevertheless know the short-lived legend of "The Lone Ranger and Pronto." Aren't you lucky?



"Kathleen Turner is 'Romancing the Stone'"

    We now know there was more than one version of the action film "Romancing the Stone." The verison most of us have seen starred Kathleen Turner and Michael Douglas. However, in the art house comedy version which was never released due to the overwhelming success of the conventional version, Turner and Douglas shared the screen with an anonymous Italian stone statue they nicknamed "Captain Marble." Even the raw footage of the artsy version was destroyed. But, the proposed poster you see above did survive...thanks to Originaldo's landlady. And it should be added that the statue idea was not totally in vain. Turner often rehearsed with the statue when Michael Douglas was pre-occupied with his directorial duties. And the statue now stands permanently on duty guarding the door to Kathleen Turners boudoir.


"Marlon Brando is a One-Eyed Jack"

 You guessed it. The great actor Marlon Brando always sort of mumbled his words. Why? Because as a kid his he lost his right eye in a school-boy prank where he was supposed to be pretending to poke a pencil in his eye to scare the teacher, but pushed just a bit too hard. The failed prank made him feel like a fool and he felt very ugly with only one eye. So he turned inward, becoming very shy and never looking at a person when they talked to him and only mumbled his own words..when he spoke at all. So why have we never seen him in a movie with only one eye? Because Hollywood makeup artists made him a permanent optical prosthesis that he wore for the rest of his life..except for one time. During the filming of "One-Eyed Jack" he removed the prosthesis and to show his acting versatility he actually portrayed both male and female parts - Jack and Jacklyn. But studio executives thought the public was not ready for such cross-eyed cross dressing, so they reshot the entire film with Brando's optical prosthesis in place...but, of course, not before Originaldo's three-eyed cousin was able to snatch the poster from Brando's locker. Recently the prosthesis showed up on E-Bay and sold for half a million dollars. It is rumored there is still another one floaitng around out there..but that's a whole other story which will have to wait until Brando has been dead for at least five years.


    "Nikita Khrushchev in 'From Russia With Love'"

This Ruskie-American blockbuster has been four decades in the making. But when released in 2007 it will dramatically reveal the truth behind the Cuban Missile Crisis. It will reveal how, if it had not been for Nikita Khrushchev's burning desire to bring the American Dream to his people and all people...there would have been no people. It tells how he intimately negotiated and agreed with Bobby Kennedy, unbeknownst to President Kennedy and the media, to trade Missiles in Cuba for Movies in Moscow as the very first step in the long road to world-wide freedom. Unbelievable as it might sound, Sean Connery is now known to be Nikita Khrushchev's prodigal son-in-law.



And below are a bunch of full-size shots that we haven't yet posted as thumbnails:



Of course all us grammar school grads know that John Steinbeck wrote "The Grapes of Wrath" and that Henry Fonda starred in the movie. But so what's with "The Gripes of Wrats" poster above. Well, John Steinbeck had a young son named John E. and he was just starting to read and write when his father wrote his masterpiece about depression-era workers. And when young John E. discovered it was all about grape-pickers, he asked what were all the rats going to eat if the workers picked all the grapes. The elder Steinbeck said that that was a good question and prodded his son to write a short story about it. Pop was so impressed by his son's first short story that when he sold his story to MGM, he stipulated that they also must make a short feature, also starring Henry Fonda, from his son's story. But you know those shifty characters at MGM. They made young John E.'s story into a short film like they promised, but didn't release it. Why?? Because they thought "The Gripes of Wrats" was so good that it would make the "Grapes of Wrath" look bad. And they could never charge full admission price for a 20 minute film, so they left little John E.'s film and this promo poster on the shelves...until Originaldo's son, Originaldie, heard about it from John E.'s son, John E. E. Steinbeck, and the two tyksters did some heavy duty reconnoitering and rescue work.



Say you say you don't remember the jury in Twelve Angry men eating greasy White Castle burgers. Well, you're probably right...because the poster for the version above was never released like so many of the other authentic posters on this page. And why was it made and why wasn't it released? It was made because Henry Fonda's son Peter was a strict vegetarian when he was a small child. And he cried on the set when he saw the 12 angry men eating big steaks in between takes. So, to make him happy, Henry promised Peter that he would secretly re-edit the movie to get across a "meat is murder" message. Henry kept his promise but young Peter fell in love with the smell of the White Castle belly-bombers his father used as props during the re-editing and quit crying and started eating. Nevertheless, it made Henry think hard on the subject and he came to be a vegetarian himself and completed the re-edit. Of course, the studio laughed when Henry asked for it to be released and the project was abandoned...until Henry worked with Katherine Hepburn in the movie On Golden Pond. She was a strict vegetarian and Henry told her abut the vegetarian version of 12 Angry Men and gave her the only poster in existence and a key to the lock box where the movie has been in storage for half a century. As luck would have it, the bank which held the lock box was right next to a White Castle. Kathryn Hepburn became so intoxicated by the smell, she actually destroyed the movie when she got her hands on it. But fortunate for all us who know that too much red meat makes men angry, Originaldo was able to at least salvage the poster from the dumpster behind White Castle where he just happened to be foraging for some free fries in between his own artsy-fartsy projects.



Would you believe Orville and Wilbur Wright's father's name was Leonard David Wright? Leonard David sounded just enough like Leonardo daVinci to get the art experts wondering. And when they found a magnificently analytic sandstone rendering of Mona Lisa in one of the Wright Brothers Steamer Trunks at the Smithsonian last year, the experts knew they were onto something really big. The Steamer Trunk in question was locked when it came into the museum's possession 75 years ago and it was only last year that the new Smithsonian staff decided to hire Originaldo's genius locksmith cousin to open the trunk without damaging it...and they couldn't believe what they found. In addition to the Mona Lisa rendering they discovered both Wright Brother's personalized hairbrushes. A quick DNA comparison to the Wrights hairs with a single DaVinci hair discovered embedded in the varnish of the Mona Lisa at the Louvre in Paris proved their suspicions beyond a doubt. Leonardo's DNA was a never before documented Quadruple Helix while the Wright Brothers each had the standard Double Helix...but all other GMP (Gray Matter Parameters) matched perfectly. The conclusion was obvious. The Wright Brothers were Leonardo's metaphysical reincarnation. Their genius minds each carried one half of Leonardo's towering genius mind. As a result of the part he played in unlocking this puzzle, he Smithsonian has issued a lifetime position to Originaldo's Israeli-American locksmith cousin, Jimmy Lox.



So you think this poster is a fake? Think again. After kissing his wife Betty good night, President Gerald Ford would sneak off to give homeless kids rock lessons late into the night at the local YMCA. The school became so popular and so inspired the youth of Washington to once again look at school as a very serious thing, his sister Francis Ford Copula decided to make a heavy metal movie about it. And the movie was made during the final year of his administration. So why has it never been seen? Because a young Arkansas Governor whose name you can guess (Bill Cinton) heard about the whole thing and convinced Ford it might irreparably tarnish the sanctity of the oval office which he someday hoped to occupy himself. So Ford canned the film, but at least this poster survied to help historians understand why President Ford quite often fell down. How well would you walk after spending all night rocking and rolling? And can you blame Betty for taking to the bottle when she discovered her seemingly conservative husband Gerald Ford was better known on the streets as Jerry Lee Ford.



So you think you've seen the movie Patton? Not really. At least not the way it was originally envisioned and produced by Hollywood. Sure, George C. Scott was to play George S. Patton...but in a musical with a Leslie Caron look-alike. So why didn't you see "Patton: An American in Paris?" Why was the film canned as "inappropriate?" Because the Charlie McCarthy film review board felt it was wrong to treat war as a musically light-hearted affair? Wrong. It was never released for two reasons. First, the board felt the tiny straw hat exposed too much of General Patton's actual helmet that the Army insisted Scott wear. Secondly, an aging Leslie Caron filed a successful injunction against the movie on the grounds that she should receive much more salary than her youthful look-alike did. So much for a European version of South Pacific...unless Pat Ono, Patton's abandoned Liverpool son, who rescued the film from an MGM dumpster, sees fit to risk incarceration and release the magnificent movie himself. We can only hope. "Que sera, sera. Whatever will be, will be. The future's not ours to see," as Julie Andrews (Leslie Caron's voice-alike in the film) said when questioned on the matter.



What's this bizarre book cover all about? What's anti-technocratic unabomber Ted Kaczynski have to do with Moby Dick? Microsoft Super Computers have compared the syntax of the Unabomber Manifesto and the centuries-old classic Moby Dick. They were written by the same man. No doubt, not even a shadow. What does it all mean? It means that Herman Melville's inner-soul knew he would someday become the countertek criminal Kaczynski and portrayed his own passion and that of the unabomber-to-come as that of Captain Ahab in search of "the great white whale" (which Kaczynski himself has many times called modern technology). It is a little known fact that Mehlville himself was so against the industrial revolution that rather than use factory produced pen and ink, he scribed Moby Dick with a hand-crafted bamboo toothpick and his own blood. You believe this over-cooked bullshit?? You will if Bill Gates ever manages to get the Supreme Court to allow him to market this blockbuster e-book and the dvd movie that goes along with it (both of which will only play on Windows 2525).



So why is this beautiful promo poster all wrinkled up like maybe somebody salvaged it from the trash? Because somebody did. And why was it made in the first place? Because when the ratings for the Ozzie and Harriet Show finally began to fall after umpteen years, Ozzie asked his successful stand-up comedian cousin Izzy Nelson to join the family show and infuse a bit of new blood in the series. You might have already guessed that Izzy Nelson demanded on taking center stage. Good guy Ozzie stepped to the side and agreed that anything that was good for the show and the public was okay with him. At least that's what Oz thought until he heard Cousin Iz's crude brand of politically incorrect humor. Oz immediately canned the show and went back to the original family-style Ozzie and Harriet format. Oz believed that even if the ratings were falling, the show was still good for the people and funded it out of his own pocket for a few years while Cousin Izzy changed his name to Carroll O'Connor, stole the title "All in the Family," and took a tip from Ozzie to soften his schtick a bit and became the outspoken and bigoted, but lovable, Archie Bunker. This crumpled poster was purchased on E-Bay for $1.98 by Originaldo so that this historic truth could finally beknownst to all. The Natinal Enquirer reports that Christie's has already offered $5.98 for the crumpled artifact, so Originaldo may get a free lunch out of the deal afterall.



Different picture, same old story. The ratings go down and the big star panics. In this case, John Travolta was afraid his career was finished when "Welcome Back, Kotter," started to slide in the Rosenbloom Ratings. Not many of his fans knew it back then, but Travolta was as good a writer as he was an actor. He was educated well at the Brooklyn Hebrew Academy. That's right, Travolta is Jewish and his given name is Johann Travoltenstein. So anyway, Travolta wrote this script about how Kotter goes on a vacation to Israel and comes back looking like Moses and changes his name to "Kosher." But the producers of Kotter, who also happen to be Jewish, didn't like the idea beause it was too ethnic and might alienate their Christian sponsors. So, to make a long story short for a change, the idea for a new and improved TV show called "Welcome Back Kosher" was canned but when a big time publisher got wind of his screwball script, they gave Travolta a full-time writing job at Tempo Books...until the tempo of Saturday Night Fever set in and the rest is semetic cinematic history.



Few of us were aware that the wonderful television family show "Father Knows Best" was the brainchild of Milton Berle whose real name was actually Milton Burly. And even fewer of us were aware as we watched Uncle Miltie on his own Texaco Star Theater every Sunday night that his loving mother Sarah Burly was in the wings coaching him every inch of the way. So, is it such a stretch of the imagination to understand that when Milton's mother became very ill and he realized what a nothing he would have amounted to without her that he decided to change the name of Father Knows Best to Mother Knows Best? Robert Young and Jane Wyatt very willingly switched roles, but only because they also had grown to love Sarah Burly...afterall she was also their mother. I know it sounds crazy, but Milton, Robert, and Jane were Sarah Burle's three loving children. When the first episode of the newly formatted series was sneak previewed to several New York critics, it got mixed reviews to say the least. But Sarah loved it so much that her long illness suddenly vanished. So Milton decided rather than to risk the solid ratings of Father Knows Best he'd put off airing the show until his mother passed away. Because he knew that if the critics publicly condemned the controversial cross-dressed show it would literally kill his mother. So why did the public never see Mother knows Best after Sarah passed away? Because Milton Berle died in 2002 at age 93...and his mother Sarah is still alive and well. She was only 13 and out of wedlock when she gave birth to Milton, Robert, and Jane. That's right, Sarah is now 106...and Milton Berle, Robert Young, and Jane Wyatt were triplets.



All us old timers know that Jerry Lewis split up with Dean Martin way back in the 50's and we all know that Jerry Lee Lewis made rock 'n roll history with his "Great Balls of Fire" in the 50's. But there are a couple of things about these two jokers that none of us knew for sure...until now. It is a well know fact that piano-pumper Jerry Lee Lewis is bible-thumper Jimmy Swaggart's cousin. But his name isn't Jerry Lee Lewis. It's Johnny Swaggart. And few of us know that Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis actually split up twice. And the first split was because Jerry felt Dean didn't treat him with enough dignity. So right after the first split, Jerry started using his more dignified-sounding full name, Jerry Leon Lewis. Above you see the poster for his first movie without Dean, "Great Balls of Fire." It was supposed to be a spoof of rock 'n roll. But it never was released because Dean promised ratpack membership to several of Jerry's entourage if they told Jerry the film would be a loser and would permanently ruin his career. So Jerry Lewis listened to his supposed friends and got back together with Dean to make a movie way down south in Stephen Foster country called "Camptown Ladies." The piano player who played the song everyday to get the film crew in the mood was a local boy named Johnny Swaggart. He was a bit on the wild side and he and Jerry got to be friends. Jerry made the mistake of showing Johnny the above poster for the film he had abandoned. Less than a month after Jerry Leon Lewis and Dean Martin headed back for Hollywoood, Johnny Swaggart changed his name to Jerry Lee Lewis and wrote a song with the same name as the orphaned film, "Great Balls of Fire." When the song soared to the top of the charts and made Jerry Lee a legend in his own time, Jerry Lewis decided to remake the movie he had already destroyed once, and so he split with Dino for the second and last time. So did the movie get remade? Some people say that Dennis Quaid, Jerry Lewis's nephew got the lead part instead of Jerry Lee Lewis. But there were two re-makes...the first one starring super-buffoon Jerry Leon Lewis himself. But he decided at the time that the film wasn't good for his dignified telethon image and destroyed it a second time..but failed to destroy the poster you see above. And isn't it fortunate for us that Originaldo discovered the poster stuffed inside a discarded mattress from a French brothel owned by Jimmy Swaggart.



Reluctantly, Johnny "the bullet" Carson agreed to appear in "Bullitt II," produced by the Mighty Carson Wives Association of America. But he agreed to do so only if he was allowed to use his real name Karnak McQueen. That's right Johnny Carson (aka Karnak McQueen) was Steve McQueen's brother. What was to be his fee for this sacrificial role? All his wives were to terminate their alimony demands. The movie was made, the alimony was dropped, but by that time Johnny had enough mulah from the Tonight Show to buy up every print of the movie before they were released. Johnny would have definitely had the last laugh this time around...if ti hadn't been for Originaldo's cousin Sweep, a janitor at Warner Brothers.



When Greta Garbo saw her mug on a giant poster for Garbonzo Beans at Grumman's Chinese Grocery, she decided her agent had gone too far. She canned him, bought out the canning company with every cent she had, and moved to New York where she decided she could never again show her beautiful face in public. She sold 49% of the bean canning company to the Bush family and lived off her 51% share of Bush's Beans profits for the rest of her life. Now we know the simple and musical legend behind her reclusive lifestyle.



No laborious story behind this aborted poster. Gonad Obrien always dreamed of being a real midnight cowboy...and now, thanks to his father who owns controlling stock interests in CBS, NBC, and ABC, Gonad changed his name to Conan and his dream has come true through the magic of latenight teewee. We woud be derilict in our duties if we failed to mention that Conan's brother is Chuck Farris...but that's a whole other story.



You guessed it, film fanatics. Katherine Hepburn first tried to break into the film industry by playing Christian Fletcher in Mutiny On The Bounty. But, after the film was a wrap, the Warner Brothers discovered Kevin was really Katherine, they decided to have all the characters simply dub "Christie Fletcher" into everywhere they said "Christine Fletcher." But, after going to all this trouble, the Warners had second thoughts and decided the world wasn't ready for a Christie Fletcher afterall...any more than they were ready for studio heads named Warner Sisters (which they really were according to secret sources at Grumman's Chinese Beauty Salon).



"American Carta" by Princess Diana

So what is this wrinkled up book cover all about? Let's start near the end and work backwards. How did it get wrinkled and where did those two bloodstains come from? We now know, thanks to DNA, that the paper was at one time wadded up and clutched in Princess Di's bloody hand. Immediately we jump to the conclusion that it was clutched in her hand at the time of the tragic auto crash in which she perished. Wrong.

A once-secret source at Scotland Yard recently testified publicly at a UN Board of Inquiry regarding the true origins of the Magna Carta. He swore under oath and while connected to both a lie detector and an intravenous truth serum line that this workup for a book cover was forcibly taken from Princess Di's person by a pair of renegade Scotland Yard operatives 2 weeks before her death...but not before she got a couple bloody good punches in..thus the bloodstains.

So what is this "Scotland Yard Exhibit #PD93" all about and why was it so important that it be taken from Di? As we all know Princess Di was an elegant addition to the Royal Family for awhile...until she was browsing around the top secret Archives Vault at Buckingham Palace one afternoon and very carefully began to examine the original 1297 Magna Carta which is kept there in an air-tight, climate-controlled, cigar box designed and built by Winston Churchill. At any rate, Princess Di discovered that the very first page of this sacred document which is the cornerstone of modern democracy had it's bottom right corner folded over. She very carefully unfolded the corner and was shocked to see what it had been hiding and now revealed. A pen drawing of A. Lincoln and a signature which matched perfectly to that on the Emancipation Proclamation which came over 600 years later.

Lady Di immediately (but not before photographing it with a miniature camera she always carried in her left shoe) told Prince Charles about the discovery. He pretended not to know anything about it, and summarily dismissed Di's assertion that America's own Abraham Lincoln had penned the British Magna Carta in a previous lifetime. They argued over the thing for weeks and when Di went back to examine the evidence again, it was gone. And so was her marriage to Prince Charles as a result of the deceptiveness he exhibited over this historic issue.

But remember, Princess Di had a photograph of the page and, and funded by the Ronald Reagan administration, spent the next several years gathering evidence and writing a book about the subject. But three weeks before her death a couple British thugs barged into her Park Avenue Suite in new York and removed her manuscript along with the computer, the entire desk, and all filing cabinets in the room in which she wrote the revelation.

But the thugs missed a full size photocopy of the book cover layout a mimiature copy of the entire manuscript which Di always carried in her right shoe. Immediately, Di jetted back to London to tell her people about what had happened. But just as the media was gathering for her press conference, two neatly dressed Scotland Yarders grabbed both the book cover and minature manuscript from her hands and she bloodied their noses for it. But with no hard evidence the press conference was aborted.

Four questions remain. Firstly, was Di's untimely death 2 weeks later in any way connected to this Magna Carta case? Secondly, coincidence or destiny that the Magna Carta was confirmed by King Edward I on August 31, 1297 and that Princess Diana perished 7 centuries layer to the day, on August 31, 1997? Thirdly, did Abraham Lincoln really pen the Magna Carta in a previous life? And fourthly, does anybody really know the answers to the first three questions? You can bet your bottom dollar Originaldo does and that he will let the world know the historic truth when time is ripe. In the mean time, at least we now know why the elegantly poised Princess Di occasionally was caught stumbling. Not because she had too much to drink, but because this Lady of Truth had a camera in one shoe and a miniature manuscript in the other.


"Liberty Outlined" by Benjamin Franklin

So, you think this ripped old sketch of Lady Liberty's head and crown is no big deal? Wrong. This document which had been kept secret for 100 years and then lost for another 100, is actually the cornerstone for all of Western Civilization...the Rosetta Stone of Democracy, so to speak. Huhh??? That's right, it has recently been proven beyond any doubt that this sketch, drawn by the sacred hand of America's very own Benjamin Franklin was to be the book cover for his definitive treatise on freedom and democracy and how it could be implemented worldwide. So why haven't we ever heard about this "Liberty Outlined" book before if it was and still is so important? Because Franklin finished it in 1776 Paris just 4 months before the target date, July 4th, that he, Washington and Jefferson had set for issuing our Declaration of Independence.

But Franklin knew that without the muscle to enforce independence from England, any declaration was totally meaningless. Franklin's charismatic genius had gained great favor with King Louie, not mention with several of his young maidens. One day while Franklin was frenetically packing to go back to America, even though he knew independence was doomed without external assistance, King Louie barged into Benjamin's castle suite and demanded that Franklin stay in France, that there was no use for Franklin to waste his life just to go down with the ship of American Independence. While Franklin was explaining the importance of his return to America, Louie noticed the book cover and quizzed Franklin about it.

"What wisdom does this "Liberty Outlined" contain? Franklin told him that it was nothing that he would be interested in. But Louie replied, "Anything with a beautiful cover so masterfully crafted must contain the wisdom of the ages, and he began to browse though it.

Even though he himself was a monarch, Louie was so impressed and taken by Franklin's words that he dropped to his knees and begged Franklin, "Please, leave this manuscript with me. If you do, I promise to see that it is published worldwide after my own life and monarchy ends. Do this, Prince Benjamin, and I will give you all the maidens in the land and anything else your heart desires...for if you take this manuscript with you it may get lost in the flames of American revolution. I know King George of England. He will burn it if he gets his hands on it, for he wishes England to always remain a monarchy and the rest of the world his colony. I repeat, all the maidens in France are yours."

Franklin hesitated for not a second. "This manuscript is yours. Keep your maidens, or most of them anyway. Give me only your swiftest ships and finest soldiers to aid America's struggle against tyranny."

The King of France agreed and the rest in history. Yes, this manuscript was the bargaining tool to gain French assistance in our successful quest for independence from England. So if this work was such a masterpiece, why was it not published after Louie's death and his canonization as Saint Louis? Because, after the treatise "Liberty Outlined" served as the seed for French Revolution, Napoleon took power in France and got his greasy little hands on it. He ordered his best friend, General Bertholdi to destroy it, that it should never be known that an American planted the seed for French Revolution.

Bertholdi took it home that summer night and told his wife to build a fire. She said she had already cooked dinner, so General Bertholdi told her he had a book he wanted her to burn and tossed it into the unlit fireplace and went outside to supposedly take a leak in the pond. Fortunately, Mademoiselle had a keen eye for art and decided she could never burn such a beautiful thing. So she hid the book under the bed and burned some old newspapers instead...because she know her husband was probably outside looking at the chimney to make sure she had been obedient.

So what happened to the manuscript after that? Almost 50 years later, on Mademoiselle Bertholdi's deathbed, she told her grandson who was a sculptor, about the manuscript and the story behind it. After she died, fate would have it that her Grandson was commissioned to design and sculpt a grand Lady of Liberty to be placed in the very heart of Paris for all the world to swoon at her feet.

Bertholdi went to work on it with all his energies. But the High Court of France repeatedly rebuked his designs...until he stole Franklin's detailed design for the head and crown from the cover "Liberty Outlined," and Franklin's design for the entire Statue from the back cover. The Parisian Judges loved it and told him to begin the gargantuan task of sculpting the giant copper version.

After young Bertholdi copied Franklin's design, he hid the book in his studio vault, but not before some eunuch apprentice got a quick peak at it while Bertholdi was outside taking a leak. The eunuch blew the whistle on his master even though the statue was nearly complete. The High Court chastised Bertholdi for his deception and said they could never put an American-designed Statue in Paris. They demanded Bertholdi to turn over the manuscript but he swore he destroyed it. They were about to sentence Bertholdi to the Guillotine when one of Benjamin Franklin's many illegitimate great-grandsons came up with a stroke of diplomatic genius.
Pierre Franklin declared, "Give the Statue to the Americans as a gift on their centennial which approaches. It will pay us back many times in good feelings and increased trade. And have Bertholdi build us the Eiffel Tower we had planned to give to the Americans. But have him build it for free and ten times the size."
Bertholdi agreed, thankful to escape with his life. And, as fate would have it again, he was commissioned near the end of his life to sculpt a giant statue of Saint Louis on his horse for the people of St. Louis, Missouri, USA. But just before shipping the statue across the Atlantic, Bertholdi stashed Franklin's "Liberty Outlined" into a secret compartment in the rear left hoof of the giant statue. Bertholdi thought it was only fitting, as it was the horse of the rider of the same name as King Louie who first realized its importance. So boot it and its miraculous story were to ride thru the ages with Saint Louis, so Bertholdi thought as he died several days later.
And so it would have been, if not for an aging and penniless artist and his dog named Pip who were wandering around the Statue in front of the Saint Louis Art Museum, 130 years later. It was right after a torrential rain, and the artist's keen eye saw a tiny trickle of red ink bleeding from the rear left hoof. Pip climbed up the pedestal and with the artist's help managed to free the manuscript form its secret compartment.

The artist raced home to his humble and occasionally unkempt abode, frantically scanned the cover, and put it on his website for all the word to see, regardless of his personal destiny. Sure enough, later that historic evening, while in the process of actually reading it aloud to his dog Pip, the artist succumbed to an orgasmicoronary brought on by euphoric glee, confident his knowledge of Franklin's wisdom would nevertheless live on in the spiritual realm for all eternity. Where the hard copy of "Liberty Outlined" is now, only the winds of time know...and of course Pip.


"All In The Family, Finally"


"The Cosell Bulldogs"

This long-lost poster discovered in mint condition under a bed once owned by Howard Cossel proves that he was indeed Muhammad "Cassius Clay" Ali's Jewish Father. They parted ways not long after teenage Cassius underwent plastic surgery to bob his Semetic nose.


Bogart and Becall look-alikes in "The Big Sleep - A Prozac-Viagra Jig-Saw Puzzle for Children"


"DeeNA," this nightmarish PBS tale of DNA Manipulation gone beserk proves once and for all that "It's not nice to mess with Mother Nature."


Sure, everybody's seen the greatest movie of all time, "Citizen Kane." But only a select view have previewed "Citizen Kane II: Eye Ulysses." Why?? Because Orson Welles who, since boyhood, had always secretly believed he was Ulysses S. Grant, produced it in the Beverly Hills Mental Asylum where his financers had him placed for "observation." He was locked up there to be examined for egotistical mania. Finally, after 7 long years, he was only released with the agreement that he destroy all evidence of the movie...and it was only under his deathbed years later that several key feet of the magnificent film were discovered coiled around an unpolished and badly scratched glass eye. Now we know why Orson's first film, Citizen Kane, was his best. Or do we??? Put the pieces "toogether" and you'll get the "hole" picture.


So you look at this obviously genuine poster (it say's it's Kosher, doesn't it) and you think this is some money-hungry sequeal to Kevin Costner's "Dances With Wolves." Wrong. This comedic movie came before the serious one that won the Oscar. This was done while Costnerstein was still in the Hebrew Academy and before he changed his name, traded his Yamakah in for a Toupee, started to chew Bull Durham instead of Matzahs, and before traded his humor in for a solemn cultural awareness. In all seriousness, our hats are off to Kevin's on-going crusade for truth regardless of what his last name or circumcisual status is.


Would you believe Julie Andrews has a brother named Elvis Andrews and Elvis Presley had a sister named Julie Presley?  Hey, would a hillbilly Billboard lie?


Would you believe Lauren Becall has a brother named Humphrey Bacall and Humphrey Bogart had a sister named Lauren Bogart?  Of course you'd believe it. Hey, would a hillbilly Billboard lie?


Would you believe John Kennedy had a brother named Nikita Kennedy and Nikita Khrushchev had a brother named John Khrushchev?  Of course you'd believe it. Hey, would a hillbilly Billboard lie? And it explains how the Cuban missile Crisdis ended so suddenly...when Jack and Nik discovered their brotherly links.


Would you believe Mikhail Gorbachev had a brother named Raold Reagan and Ronald Reagan had a brother named Mick Reagan?  Of course you'd believe it. Hey, would a Missouri State Park Outhouse Billboard lie? And it explains how the Cold War ended so suddenly...when Mikhail and Ronald discovered their brotherly links.


Would you believe Mia Farrow has a brother named Woody Farrow and Mia's onetime husband Woody Allen has a sister named Mia Allen?  Of course you'd believe it. What else could they possibly have in common to warrant getting married?


A picture, especially a book cover with plenty of text on it, is worth a thousand words. Hey, would the Charles DeGaulle Foundation let Mick Jagger wear Degaulle's uniform for an entire year if they didn't know for sure Jagger had plenty of integrity deep down. Talk about deep dow, it was DeGaulle's boys who thought the Maginot Line was going to hold Hitler at bay. So, big deal, if Mick Jagger doesn't have any integrity afterall. As long as the public believes it, what's the difference?


"Why not?? Ain't got nothing better to do bein' that we're only the unknown siblings of big shot celebrities," Ali MacGraws' Brother Ryan MacGraw and Ryan' O'Neal's Sister Ali O'Neal retorted in unison when asked why they made a movie they knew would never be realeased called Love Story II.


"Why not?? Ain't got nothing better to do bein' that we're only the unknown siblings of big shot celebrities," Dezi Arnaz's Sister Lucy Arnaz and Lucille Ball's Brother Dezi Ball retorted in unison when asked why they posed for a portrait together which they knew would never be seen by the public.


So you thought the Watergate Case was closed and that Elvis was dead. Wrong, on almost both counts. The water-damaged picture you see above was discovered by the coroner who prepared President Nixon for the pocket of his sweaty robe. And isn't it interesting that the moldy velvet robe was given to Nixon by Elvis and had never been washed or cleaned? Sources at the Mazeltov Mortuary in San Clemente say that Nixon asked to visit his presidential library and museum just days before his demise and that he commandeered the photo at that time. Why would Nixon have wanted to hide a photo showing Elvis introducing his young friend Billy Clinton to him many years ago. It now seems that the caption on the photo is correct, that the entire Watergate affair was Clinton's youthful idea. And it also appears that years later Clinton befriended Nixon in his last days and that Nixon swore that he would seek out the photo and destroy it...on two, that Clinton promise never to divulge to the public that an elderly Elvis look-alike had been the janitor at the Governor's mansion in Little Rock for the past decade and would now be the head of lawncare at the Nixon Library for the rest of his natural life. So what was the second condition? That Clinton promise not to play the saxophone at the president's funeral and that he never seek any sort of public office again. As a foot note, it was only recently that the FBI successfully identified the man to Clinton's left as Rush Limbaugh, known in the 70's as "Rusty Limbo."


So you find it hard to believe that the Americn mistress of poetry, Miss Emily Dickinson was the great-grandmother of Hollywood beauty Angie Dickinson? Didn't you even got to school long enough to learn that if somehting is in print it must be true?


The tooth-boogling image you see above proves beyond a yellow stain that our country has had two George W.'s serve as president - Geroge W. Ashington (that's right, the history books have had his name wrong all these years) and George W. Bush.


Finally, we why the Great Garbo spent 30 years in seclusion. She was writing a cultural masterpiece.


We've all heard the beautiful "Songs of Solomon" in the Holy Bible. And we all know that King Solomon was blind and that Ray Charles was blind. But we never put two and two together until this polychromatic woodcut was discovered in 2004 under Ray Charles deathbed. In the brief time since then, scientists have unlocked the puzzle of why King Solomon was also referred to as King Charles many times in both the Old and the New Testament. And how did they unlock such a seemingly far-fetched puzzle? With the help of Motown Supercomputers. You guessed it. The digital syntax of every single one of Ray Charles' songs matches perfectly with the meter and dipthongage of "The Songs of Solomon." Of course it it is also interesting that Ray "Solemn" Charles actual last name is Robinson..which when translated into Yiddish sounds exactly like Rabbi's Son. Of course, King Solomon was indeed a Rabbi's Son. Additionally it has been reported by less-than-reliable sources that it was the biggest Rabbi's Son of all who stashed the priceless woodcut under Ray's Beverly Hills bed...the Pope. Case closed.



Mel Gibson - The Reel Lethal Weapon



Richard "Tricky Dick" Nixon, Law School Magician



Ralph Nader's mother, Rifka Nader, self-portrait with pearl earrings.


Humphrey Bogart gets a wiff of the Barefoot Contessa Ava Gardner's beautiful feet.


No, folks, Ben Franklin was not the real Last Samurai, but according to this recently restored photo he was the first Sumo Wrestler.


And, folks, here we see irrefutable evidence that the world's first Volkswagen was actually a bullet proof outhouse designed by Adolph Hitler.


That's right hoop fans, here we see how short Shaquille O'neal actually was before his well-intentioned basket ball coach secretly sweetened Shaquille's rice-krispie treats with steriods.



DNA recently recovered from Isaac Wayne Newton's 300 year old slide rule proves that today's legendary Las Vegas talent Wayne Newton is a direct descendant of Sir Isaac Wayne Newton. And isn't it interesting that Isaac's Yiddisha friends all called him by the nickname "Vain" because of his pretty blonde hair he spent so much time curling three times a day.




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originaldo callng card



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